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You have recently been employed to work in a foreign country, but you are yet to start. One of your relatives is also interested to go with you and work for the same company. Write a letter to your manager and say– Tell him/her about yourself and your j v.2

You have recently been employed to work in a foreign country, but you are yet to start. One of your relatives is also interested to go with you and work for the same company. Write a letter to your manager and say– Tell him/her about yourself and your j v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter to refer my cousin sister in your company for the senior HR position. I have received a job offer from your organization (IBM) and I have been asked to join IBM' s Canada research center next month. Currently, I am employed with Nokia in India and serving my notice period. Overall, I have seven years of work experience in IT industry and specialized in JAVA technology. In addition, I handle team of four member and accountable for end to end releases. However, my cousin sister is very keen to join BM' s Canada office. She is a HR professional with Accenture India and has five years of relevant experience in HR profile. While having a conversation about my job offer with her, she asked me to refer her as she wants to experience work environment in abroad. I have high recommendation for her because she has brilliant work experience with excellent communication skill. Moreover, she has recently been awarded employee of the year award due to her abilities. While visiting company' s portal online, I checked that there are multiple position open for HR profile in Canada and she fits really well to the job description. Hence, I request if you could arrange an interview call for her. If you need any further details regarding about her please let me know. I look forward hearing from you soon. Yours faithfully, Sonali
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to refer my cousin sister in your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
for the senior HR position.

I have received a job offer from your organization (IBM) and I have
been asked
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
Possible spelling mistake found.
IBM&
#039; s Canada research center
next
month.
Currently
, I
am employed
with Nokia in India and serving my notice period.
Overall
, I have seven years of work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in IT industry and specialized in JAVA technology.
In addition
, I handle team of four member and accountable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
releases.

However
, my cousin sister is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
keen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
Possible spelling mistake found.
BM&
#039; s Canada office. She is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
HR professional with Accenture India and has five years of relevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
in HR profile. While having a conversation about my job offer with her, she asked me to refer her as she wants to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
work environment in abroad.

I have high recommendation for her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she has brilliant work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
with excellent communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
Moreover
, she has recently
been awarded
employee of the year award due to her abilities. While visiting
Possible spelling mistake found.
company&
#039; s portal online, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
that there are multiple position open for HR profile in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Canada and
she fits
really
well to the job description.
Hence
, I request if you could arrange an interview call for her.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
you need any
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
regarding about her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me know.

I look forward hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Sonali
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS letter You have recently been employed to work in a foreign country, but you are yet to start. One of your relatives is also interested to go with you and work for the same company. Write a letter to your manager and say– Tell him/her about yourself and your j v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
239 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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