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you have ordered a new computer. Unfortunately, when it arrived you have found some of the accessories like printers, speakers and headphone sets were missing which are to be in the package. You would like the company to send them by next week. Write a le v.2

you have ordered a new computer. Unfortunately, when it arrived you have found some of the accessories like printers, speakers and headphone sets were missing which are to be in the package. You would like the company to send them by next week. Write a le v. 2
Dear Company, I was excited to purchase your product, but my experience has turned out very poor. I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with your product in hopes you can help remedy the situation. I purchased a new computer, model, Dell Inspiron 10 on 31/08/2018, just three days ago. I would like to inform you that there are some items missing from the order placed. Moreover, I was surprised to see that all the other items such as printers, scanners, and headphone sets are not in the box when unpacked. I have contacted your store immediately in order to inquire about the missing accessories and spoke to the store manager. He informed me his record shows that the package was delivered with all the items which are ordered in the catalog. In addition, he suggested contacting the courier service who delivered the package. I was disappointed with the way everything was handled. While I contacted the courier service, they have informed me there was no problem from their end. Therefore, I insist your company take necessary action and send me the missing items early by next week because of which my work is hampered. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Bhavana
Dear
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Company
,

I
was excited
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
your product,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my experience has turned out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor. I am writing to express my dissatisfaction with your product in hopes you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
remedy the situation.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
a new computer, model, Dell
Possible spelling mistake found.
Inspiron
10 on 31/08/2018,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
three days ago.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would like to inform you that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
missing from the order placed.
Moreover
, I
was surprised
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that all the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
such as printers, scanners, and headphone sets are not in the box when unpacked.

I have contacted your store immediately in order to inquire about the missing accessories and spoke to the store manager. He informed me his record
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the package
was delivered
with all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
which
are ordered
in the catalog.
In addition
, he suggested contacting the courier service who delivered the package.

I
was disappointed
with the way everything
was handled
. While I contacted the courier service, they have informed me there was no problem from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
Therefore
, I insist your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
take necessary action and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me the missing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
early by
next
week
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which my work
is hampered
.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Bhavana
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS letter you have ordered a new computer. Unfortunately, when it arrived you have found some of the accessories like printers, speakers and headphone sets were missing which are to be in the package. You would like the company to send them by next week. Write a le v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
204 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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