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You have had a bank account for a few years. Recently you received a letter from the bank stating that your account is $240 overdrawn and that you will be charged $70 which will be taken directly from your account. You know that this information is incorrect. v.5

You have had a bank account for a few years. Recently you received a letter from the bank stating that your account is $240 overdrawn and that you will be charged $70 which will be taken directly from your account. You know that this information is incorrect. v. 5
Dear Sir  or Madam, I am writing this letter to notify you of a mistake in my transaction record which was forwarded to me yesterday from the bank. Perhaps the mistake was made by one of your employees and I am hoping you would rectify it. The letter that I received outlined that I overdrew $240 last month and that is why I will be charged $70 which would be deducted directly from my account. I really am very worried about this because I have not overdrawn any amount from my bank account during the last six months. I visited your bank on 25th March to deposit $500 and I withdrew $240 a week later. There is a possibility that my $500 deposit was not correctly entered in your accounting tally book. I am attaching my deposit slip of $500 with this letter. I request you to correct this error and do not charge me any penalty. Such an error in a customer's account is not expected from a reputed bank like yours. Therefore, I also suggest you scrutinise the transaction history of a customer before sending him a letter. Thank you for giving the matter your attention Yours faithfully, Sudip Pant
Dear Sir
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
or Madam,

I am writing this letter to notify you of a mistake in my transaction record which
was forwarded
to me yesterday from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
. Perhaps the mistake
was made
by one of your
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
employees and
I am hoping you would rectify it.

The letter that I received outlined that I overdrew $240 last month and
that is
why I will
be charged
$70 which would
be deducted
directly
from my account. I
really
am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
worried about this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have not overdrawn any amount from my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
account during the last six months. I visited your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
on 25th March to deposit $500 and I withdrew $240 a week later. There is a possibility that my $500 deposit was not
correctly
entered in your accounting tally book. I am attaching my deposit slip of $500 with this letter.

I request you to correct this error and do not charge me any penalty. Such an error in a customer's account is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
from a reputed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bank
like yours.
Therefore
, I
also
suggest you
Possible spelling mistake. 'scrutinise' is British English.
scrutinise
the transaction history of a customer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
sending him a letter.

Thank you for giving the matter your attention

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sudip
Pant
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS letter You have had a bank account for a few years. Recently you received a letter from the bank stating that your account is $240 overdrawn and that you will be charged $70 which will be taken directly from your account. You know that this information is incorrect. v. 5

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
201 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • You have had a bank account for a few years. Recently you received a letter from the bank stating that your account is $240 overdrawn and that you will be charged $70 which will be taken directly from your account. You know that this information is incorrect. v.5