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You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You have spoken to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. v.5

You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You have spoken to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. v. 5
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing this letter to claim my warranty for the mobile phone that I purchased two weeks ago from your store. The phone does not turn on just after a week of purchase and I have a valid replacement warranty for the phone. I am hoping you would replace it immediately. Two weeks ago I purchased a new iPhone 8 Plus mobile phone from your authorised shop in Park Lane. I have visited your shop several other times to purchase different electronic gadgets. However, this time my experience is terribly unpleasant as just after a week, the new phone malfunctioned. I immediately went to your sales centre, explained the issue to the staff and returned my phone for the replacement. The representative promised a new phone in the next two to three days. Unfortunately, eight days have already elapsed and I am yet to receive the new phone. My order number is 257380 and I am attaching a copy of my receipt. I expect that you will immediately look into this matter and try to resolve this. Either your company should replace the phone or refund me the money. Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear your reply soon. Yours faithfully, Mubashir Noorani
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing this letter to claim my warranty for the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
ago from your store. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
does not turn on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
and I have a valid replacement warranty for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. I am hoping you would replace it immediately.

Two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
ago I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
iPhone 8 Plus mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
from your
Possible spelling mistake. 'authorised' is British English.
authorised
shop in Park Lane. I have visited your shop several other times to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
electronic gadgets.
However
, this time my experience is
terribly
unpleasant as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
malfunctioned.

I immediately went to your sales
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
the issue to the staff and returned my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
for the replacement. The representative promised a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
in the
next
two to three days. Unfortunately, eight days have already
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
elapsed and
I am
yet
to receive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
. My order number is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
257380 and
I am attaching a copy of my receipt.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
that you will immediately look into this matter and try to resolve this. Either your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
or refund me the money.

Thank you for giving the matter your attention and I hope to hear your reply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Mubashir
Possible spelling mistake found.
Noorani
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS letter You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You have spoken to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. v. 5

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
213 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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