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You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You have spoken to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. v.2

You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You have spoken to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I purchased a brand new Samsung Smartphone from one of your stores. I was delighted to purchase it but frustrated to find that it stopped working in a few days of use. I am hoping you would replace it with a new one as I am entitled to a two-year replacement warranty. I purchased a Galaxy Grand Prime Plus mobile phone from your Madison Avenue store on 24th September. The phone worked fine for the first week, but then suddenly froze and stopped working. Since I have a valid replacement warranty, I immediately sent it to your store on Madison Avenue on 2nd October. The customer service representative promises me that the phone will be checked and a new phone will be dispatched to my home address soon. But to my dismay, when I spoke to this person two days ago, I was shocked to discover that the phone has not been checked yet! Because of this, I have been without a smartphone for which I have paid a good amount of money. As per the contract, I am entitled to get my cell phone replaced.   Therefore, I expect you to ship me a brand new cell phone within a week. Otherwise, I would be forced to seek legal advice. Thank you in advance for your cooperation and actions. Yours sincerely, Muhammad Sameed
Dear Sir or Madam,

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
a brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
Samsung Smartphone from one of your stores. I
was delighted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
frustrated to find that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working in a few days of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping you would replace it with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one as I
am entitled
to a two-year replacement warranty.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
a Galaxy Grand Prime Plus mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
from your Madison Avenue store on 24th September. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
worked fine for the
first
week,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
then
suddenly
froze and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working. Since I have a valid replacement warranty, I immediately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
it to your store on Madison Avenue on 2nd October. The customer service representative promises me that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
will
be dispatched
to my home address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
to my dismay, when I spoke to this person two days ago, I
was shocked
to discover that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has not been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
yet
!
Because of this
, I have been without a smartphone for which I have paid a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
amount of money.

As per the contract, I
am entitled
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
my cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
replaced.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Therefore
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
you to ship me a brand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
within a week.
Otherwise
, I would
be forced
to seek legal advice.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation and actions.

Yours
sincerely
,

Muhammad
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sameed
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You have spoken to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
227 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You have spoken to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. v.2