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You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You have spoken to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. v.4

You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You have spoken to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. v. 4
Dear Sir or Madam, I purchased a smartphone a month ago from your store in the Abbey Avenue Complex and was very thrilled to own this particular model. Unfortunately, after only a few days, the phone stopped working and even after claiming the warranty, I have not heard anything from the store. I am hoping you would replace the faulty phone with a new one. In relation to the specifics of the order, I purchased a Samsung Galaxy Note8, 256 GB smartphone from the Abbey Avenue Complex showroom on 09th June. The phone worked as expected during the first two weeks and then suddenly malfunctioned. Firstly the camera stopped working and later the touchscreen became irresponsive. The phone is now unusable. Please find enclosed the copy of the purchase bill. I did report the issue to your customer care department a week ago and returned the faulty phone to your store. I was promised that a new phone would be sent to my home address within three days. However, I have not received it yet or heard anything from customer care. I would highly appreciate if you could look into this matter. I have a valid replacement warranty and I would like you to replace this faulty product with a new one. Otherwise, I would be forced to complain to the Consumer Protection Authority. Looking forward to your response and kind cooperation. Yours sincerely, Preeti Zinta
Dear Sir or Madam,

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
a smartphone a month ago from your store in the Abbey Avenue Complex and was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
thrilled to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
this particular model. Unfortunately, after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few days, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working and even after claiming the warranty, I have not heard anything from the store. I am hoping you would replace the faulty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
with a new one.

In relation to the specifics of the order, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
a Samsung Galaxy Note8, 256 GB smartphone from the Abbey Avenue Complex showroom on 09th June. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
worked as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
during the
first
two weeks and then
suddenly
malfunctioned.
Firstly
the camera
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working and later the touchscreen became
Possible spelling mistake found.
irresponsive
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
unusable.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
find enclosed the copy of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
bill.

I did report the issue to your customer care department a week ago and returned the faulty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
to your store. I
was promised
that a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to my home address within three days.
However
, I have not received it
yet
or heard anything from customer care.

I would
highly
appreciate if you could look into this matter. I have a valid replacement warranty and I would like you to replace this faulty product with a new one.
Otherwise
, I would
be forced
to complain to the Consumer Protection Authority.

Looking forward to your response and kind cooperation.

Yours
sincerely
,

Preeti
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zinta
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You have spoken to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. v. 4

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
235 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • You have bought a new mobile phone and in a few days of purchase, it has stopped working. You have spoken to the company representative a week ago but it has still not been repaired. v.4