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You have a friend who lives in a city abroad. You have decided that you would like to apply to do a course at one of the colleges in this city. v.8

You have a friend who lives in a city abroad. You have decided that you would like to apply to do a course at one of the colleges in this city. v. 8
Dear Rachel, Hope you are doing fine. I am sorry that I have not written to you for a long. I have been terribly busy over the last few months and I never seem to have a minute to myself! I am writing to notify you that I'd like to study fashion designing at a university in Canada next year and I hope you can give me some advice and information. I think I would prefer a Canadian college, specifically in Toronto, because I have an aunt who lives there and she is willing to host me at her house. I have recently finished school and got an overall 78% marks. I am willing to build my career in the fashion designing industry and I need to complete my bachelor degree for that. However, I really don't know which university to apply to and what are their requirements for the applicants. I am hoping you can choose a university for me that offers an excellent fashion designing related course at a moderate cost. Could you send me some information about different colleges and the courses they offer related to my interest? I hope you can spare some time and don't mind doing this for me. I hope to hear from you soon. Warm wishes, George
Dear Rachel,

Hope you are doing fine. I am sorry that I have not written to you for a long. I have been
terribly
busy over the last few months and I never seem to have a minute to myself!
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am writing to notify you that I'd like to study fashion designing at a university in Canada
next
year and I hope you can give me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advice and information.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
I would prefer a Canadian college,
specifically
in Toronto,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I have an aunt who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
there and
she is willing to host me at her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have recently finished school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
an
overall
78% marks.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am willing to build my career in the fashion designing industry and I need to complete my bachelor degree for that.
However
, I
really
don't know which university to apply to and what are their requirements for the applicants. I am hoping you can choose a university for me that offers an excellent fashion designing related course at a moderate cost.

Could you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
colleges and the courses they offer related to my interest? I hope you can spare
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time and don't mind doing this for me.

I hope to hear from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Warm wishes,

George
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter You have a friend who lives in a city abroad. You have decided that you would like to apply to do a course at one of the colleges in this city. v. 8

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
214 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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