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You have a friend who lives in a city abroad. You have decided that you would like to apply to do a course at one of the colleges in this city. v.2

You have a friend who lives in a city abroad. You have decided that you would like to apply to do a course at one of the colleges in this city. v. 2
Dear Anna, I hope this letter finds you in good health. I am writing to enquire some details about the Certified Internal Auditor (CIA) courses at a leading college in London. As you live there, I am hoping you would be able to guide me in choosing the best college for the course. As you know, I hail from a family where everyone is involved in the financial sector. Needless to say, I got my tertiary education from a business school, and at present, I am working as an Internal Auditor in a textile corporation, but I have been stuck with the same designation for more than 2 years. Therefore, in order to climb further up the corporate ladder, I would like to update my skills and knowledge, and the most plausible way to do that would be getting a foreign degree from a reputed college in the UK. Having spent a copious amount of hours researching the right institutions, I have narrowed down my options to just three colleges. I would like to ask your assistance in getting in touch with those colleges. Perhaps you could dispatch me their customised brochures or prospectuses since due to the highly complex nature of these programs, the information in the public domain is hard to find about these courses. I look forward to receiving your response. Warm wishes, Sameed
Dear Anna,

I hope this letter finds you in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health. I am writing to
Possible spelling mistake. 'enquire' is British English.
enquire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
about the Certified Internal Auditor (CIA) courses at a leading college in London. As you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there, I am hoping you would be able to guide me in choosing the best college for the course.

As you know, I hail from a family where everyone
is involved
in the financial sector. Needless to say, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
my tertiary education from a business school, and at present, I am working as an Internal Auditor in a textile corporation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have
been stuck
with the same designation for more than 2 years.
Therefore
, in order to climb
further
up the corporate ladder, I would like to update my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge, and the most plausible way to do that would be getting a foreign degree from a reputed college in the UK. Having spent a copious amount of hours researching the right institutions, I have narrowed down my options to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
three colleges.

I would like to ask your assistance in getting in touch with those colleges. Perhaps you could dispatch me their
Possible spelling mistake. 'customised' is British English.
customised
brochures or prospectuses since due to the
highly
complex nature of these programs, the information in the public domain is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to find about these courses.

I look forward to receiving your response.

Warm wishes,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Sameed
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS letter You have a friend who lives in a city abroad. You have decided that you would like to apply to do a course at one of the colleges in this city. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
226 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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