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You have a friend who lives in a city abroad. You have decided that you would like to apply to do a course at one of the colleges in this city. v.3

You have a friend who lives in a city abroad. You have decided that you would like to apply to do a course at one of the colleges in this city. v. 3
Dear Mary, It's been long since I have heard from you. Hope you are doing great. I am writing this letter to request some information about the courses offered at different colleges in Brisbane. I am planning to intake a course and would really appreciate your help. After completing my postgraduation in chemistry, I have been working as a chemist in one of the best laboratories in India - Dania Lab. My regular duties involve analysing the quality of food products as well as to check whether they meet the NABL prescribed standards. As my employer is highly pleased with my performance, he has asked me if I am ready to take on a new responsibility, which is related to molecular modelling. I do not have much expertise in that field, so, I would like to join a molecular designing course in Australia, more specifically in Brisbane in a couple of months. I would be thankful to you if you search and inform me of the details of the appropriate institution with relevant contact numbers. Please take the burden to personally visit some reputed colleges and talk to them regarding the course. I barely know anyone there and would really appreciate your help. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Warm wishes, Rahul
Dear Mary,

It's been long since I have heard from you. Hope you are doing great. I am writing this letter to request
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
offered at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
colleges in Brisbane. I am planning to intake a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
and would
really
appreciate your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

After completing my
Possible spelling mistake found.
postgraduation
in chemistry, I have been working as a chemist in one of the best laboratories in India
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Dania Lab. My regular duties involve
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the quality of food products
as well
as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
whether they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
NABL
prescribed standards. As my employer is
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
pleased
with my performance, he has asked me if I am ready to take on a new responsibility, which
is related
to molecular modelling. I do not have much expertise in that field,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
a molecular designing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in Australia, more
specifically
in Brisbane in a couple of months.

I would be thankful to you if you search and inform me of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the appropriate institution with relevant contact numbers.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
take the burden to
personally
visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reputed colleges and talk to them regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. I
barely
know anyone there and would
really
appreciate your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.

I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Warm wishes,

Rahul
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS letter You have a friend who lives in a city abroad. You have decided that you would like to apply to do a course at one of the colleges in this city. v. 3

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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