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You cannot go to a company where you got an offer. Write a letter to the HR supervisor to: v.5

You cannot go to a company where you got an offer. Write a letter to the HR supervisor to: v. 5
Dear Sir or Madam, I would like to thank you for considering me as a suitable candidate for the position of Assistant Manager in your organisation and in fact, I was eagerly waiting for your call. I, however, cannot accept the offer due to some specific reasons. I sincerely apologise that I would not be able to join your organisation. There are a couple of reasons why I am declining this offer: one of them is the job location and the other is the proposed remuneration. I have to drop off my children at their schools daily and that is why commuting a long distance to reach my office is inconvenient for me. I find my current job more exciting and rewarding. In my current job, I have a flexible timing which allows me to keep a balance between my personal and professional life. Also, I am due for a promotion this year and I am expecting a managerial role to come my way soon. The roles and responsibilities of this new position would be very challenging and a known team with whom I have been working for a long would be an advantage. I would like to thank you again for the job offer but I would like to stay with my current organisation and I am humbly declining your offer. Wishing your superb team members all the best. Yours sincerely, Sam Johnson
Dear Sir or Madam,

I would like to thank you for considering me as a suitable candidate for the position of Assistant Manager in your
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and in fact, I was
eagerly
waiting for your call. I,
however
, cannot accept the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific reasons.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
sincerely
Possible spelling mistake. 'apologise' is British English.
apologise
that I would not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
your
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
. There are a couple of reasons why I am declining this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
: one of them is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
location and the other is the proposed remuneration. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
drop off my children at their schools daily and
that is
why commuting a long distance to reach my office is inconvenient for me. I find my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
more exciting and rewarding.

In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, I have a flexible timing which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a balance between my personal and professional life.
Also
, I am due for a promotion this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
year and
I am expecting a managerial role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
my way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
. The roles and responsibilities of this new position would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
challenging and a known team with whom I have been working for a long would be an advantage.

I would like to thank you again for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I would like to stay with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
organisation and
I am
humbly
declining your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
. Wishing your superb team members all the best.

Yours
sincerely
,

Sam Johnson
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS letter You cannot go to a company where you got an offer. Write a letter to the HR supervisor to: v. 5

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
233 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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