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You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v.4

You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v. 4
Dear Sir or Madam, I am a student at the St Mary's College in Perth, Western Australia, and I am planning to go on a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales with a few other classmates of mine. We would like to stay in your hostel and would appreciate your help regarding this. We are planning to stay at your hostel from 4th June to 11th June 2019. We will be ten students in total and we need accommodation facilities for all. We expect five rooms, each with attached bathroom and room heater. Moreover, we would like to have cooking facilities as a few of us would like to cook for themselves. Our team would primarily explore the Snowy Mountains area and do skiing. However, we would be in a few other places nearby to travel the whole area. Any recommendation would be highly appreciated. It would be great if you could inform the availability of the rooms between 4th and 11th January. I would also request the cost for the rooms and details of the included facilities. I hope to receive the information soon. Yours faithfully, Ashesha Weerasinghe
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am a student at the St Mary's College in Perth, Western Australia, and I am planning to go on a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales with a few other classmates of mine. We would like to stay in your hostel and would appreciate your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
regarding this.

We are planning to stay at your hostel from 4th June to 11th June 2019.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
We
will be ten students in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
total and
we need accommodation facilities for all.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
five
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
, each with attached bathroom and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
heater.
Moreover
, we would like to have cooking facilities as a few of us would like to cook for themselves.

Our team would
primarily
explore the Snowy Mountains area and
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go skiing".
do skiing
.
However
, we would be in a few other places nearby to travel the whole area. Any recommendation would be
highly
appreciated.

It would be great if you could inform the availability of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
between 4th and 11th January. I would
also
request the cost for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
of the included facilities.

I hope to receive the information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Ashesha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Weerasinghe
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS letter You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v. 4

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
191 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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