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You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v.3

You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v. 3
Dear Sir or Madam, I have received your contact details from one of my friends who has recently availed your service. He was very positive regarding your hospitality and recommended your hostel situated in the Snowy Mountains for a study excursion we are planning to take at the beginning of the next month. I am hoping you would arrange suitable accommodation for the group and help us enjoy the tour. I am arranging a four days trip to the Snowy Mountains for 14 students from Perth public school. We will arrive on 3rd April, in the morning; however, we would directly go to sightseeing. Thus, we would check-in into the hostel in the evening. A group of 15 students and I would require suitable accommodation for four days. We would prefer four rooms and we do not mind sharing the rooms. As we are travelling from Perth, I am confident that the place might freeze us. We would appreciate if we can get extra blankets along with room heaters considering the extreme cold weather. My friend has mentioned that breakfast is included in the package. However, it would be nice if you could let me know the revised price including the dinner as well. I expect room availability and price details to be shared via a mail soon. Looking forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, Naaz Loan
Dear Sir or Madam,

I have received your contact
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
from one of my friends who
Did you mean "have", "haven"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'friends' should be used.
has
recently availed your service. He was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
regarding your hospitality and recommended your hostel situated in the Snowy Mountains for a study excursion we are planning to take at the beginning of the
next
month. I am hoping you would arrange suitable accommodation for the group and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us enjoy the tour.

I am arranging a four days trip to the Snowy Mountains for 14 students from Perth public school. We will arrive on 3rd April, in the morning;
however
, we would
directly
go to sightseeing.
Thus
, we would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
-in into the hostel in the evening. A group of 15 students and I would require suitable accommodation for four days.

We would prefer four
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
rooms and
we do not mind sharing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
. As we are travelling from Perth, I am confident that the place might freeze us. We would appreciate if we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
extra blankets along with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
heaters considering the extreme
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
weather. My friend has mentioned that breakfast
is included
in the package.
However
, it would be nice if you could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me know the revised price including the dinner
as well
.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
availability and price
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
to
be shared
via a mail
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Looking forward to hearing from you.

Yours
faithfully
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Naaz
Loan

5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS letter You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v. 3

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
228 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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