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You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v.2

You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to reserve accommodation in your hostel during our trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales. I am planning a trip for a group of students from Perth and expecting your response so that I can finalise our stay at your hostel. We expect to be in the Snowy Mountains between June 1st and depart on 9th June. Our group has five men, seven women and a married couple - 14 in total. The five men can stay at a dormitory and the women are happy to share rooms, but the married couple would like a deluxe room. We hope to keep our expenses as low as possible. Besides, the rooms must have hot water and room heater facilities considering the cold weather. Please also inform me about the recreational services in the area. The group will bring their own boots for bushwalking, but we are hoping to hire equipment for other sports, like skiing. Some of our group members will hire geological picks and other equipment, if possible. We also need to know about access to caves and other interesting geological features in the area. I am looking forward to receiving information about the Student Hostel Services and other facilities, specifically, if the accommodation would be available during the time of our visit and if so, how can I reserve it well in advance. Yours faithfully, Adam Smith
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to reserve accommodation in your hostel during our trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales. I am planning a trip for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of students from Perth and expecting your response
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that I can
Possible spelling mistake. 'finalise' is British English.
finalise
our stay at your hostel.

We
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to be in the Snowy Mountains between June 1st and depart on 9th June. Our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
has five
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
, seven women and a married couple
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
14 in total. The five
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
can stay at a dormitory and the women are happy to share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the married couple would like a deluxe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
. We hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our expenses as low as possible.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have hot
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "watered".
water
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
heater facilities considering the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
weather.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
also
inform me about the recreational services in the area. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
will bring their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
boots for
Possible spelling mistake found.
bushwalking
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we are hoping to hire equipment for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sports, like skiing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
members will hire geological picks and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
equipment, if possible. We
also
need to know about access to caves and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
interesting geological features in the area.

I am looking forward to receiving information about the Student Hostel Services and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
facilities,
specifically
, if the accommodation would be available during the time of our visit and if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, how can I reserve it well in advance.

Yours
faithfully
,

Adam Smith
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS letter You are organising a trip to the Snowy Mountains in New South Wales for a group of students from Perth in Western Australia. v. 2

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
236 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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