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You are employed full-time and also doing a part-time evening course. You are not able to continue the course. v.4

You are employed full-time and also doing a part-time evening course. You are not able to continue the course. v. 4
Dear Mr Richard, I registered for the Social Marketing evening course at the Cambridge Institute of Technology last July. This is a useful course for my professional growth but sadly it contradicts my office schedule and I find no other way than to discontinue it. I am hoping that you would allow me to continue it online instead. The course started on January 2nd, 2019 and the class is scheduled for every other day from 7: 00 pm to 9: 00 pm which is intended for employees like me. I joined the lectures for the first two weeks without any problem. However, I have recently been assigned to some new tasks in my office and I cannot leave my desk before 7: 30 pm. Hence, I cannot continue this course as the timing contradicts my office hours. As a solution and since I really want to complete this course, I would request you to let me continue it online. I have already talked to Mr Leonardo, the admin manager, and he recommended me the online course. If you permit me to continue it online, I will be able to watch the recorded lectures and attend the final exam at the end of this course. Thanks in advance for your cooperation. I am looking forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, Siamak Mirzaei
Dear Mr Richard,

I registered for the Social Marketing evening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
at the Cambridge Institute of Technology last July. This is a useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
for my professional growth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
sadly
it contradicts my office schedule and I find no other way than to discontinue it. I am hoping that you would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
instead
.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
on January 2nd, 2019 and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is scheduled
for every other day from 7: 00 pm to 9: 00 pm which
is intended
for employees like me. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the lectures for the
first
two weeks without any problem.
However
, I have recently
been assigned
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
new tasks in my office and I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
my desk
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
7: 30 pm.
Hence
, I cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
as the timing contradicts my office hours.

As a solution and since I
really
want to complete this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, I would request you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. I have already talked to Mr Leonardo, the admin manager, and he recommended me the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
. If you permit me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
continue
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, I will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the recorded lectures and attend the final exam at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of this course.

Thanks in advance for your cooperation. I am looking forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Siamak
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mirzaei
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS letter You are employed full-time and also doing a part-time evening course. You are not able to continue the course. v. 4

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
222 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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