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You are employed full-time and also doing a part-time evening course. You are not able to continue the course. v.3

You are employed full-time and also doing a part-time evening course. You are not able to continue the course. v. 3
Dear Dr. Jones, I am one of your students from the evening course you conduct on treating emergencies in the BMM Medical University. I am writing to inform you that I can no longer attend your evening lectures due to the recent work pressure from my job but willing to complete the course myself. I am working as a full-time nurse at Thompson Hospital. My shift usually ends at 5. 00 pm. However, due to an increasing number of patients in our hospital in the last couple of weeks, I find it impossible to leave the hospital before 6. 00 pm and thus have missed many of your lectures. This disappoints me a lot since I understand how important it is for me to complete this course. As a solution and since I really want to finish this course, I would be grateful if you could consider letting me study for the course from home. My job is closely related to treating the patient with accidents, and I feel I can learn every point of the course in practice. In addition, I have read almost every book you recommended as the supplementary reading for your lectures and can follow your lecture sheets at home. I hope to get your approval on this. I am looking forward to receiving your response soon. Sincerely yours, Nadia Afsana
Dear Dr. Jones,

I am one of your students from the evening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
you conduct on treating emergencies in the BMM Medical University. I am writing to inform you that I can no longer attend your evening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
due to the recent work pressure from my job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
willing to complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
myself.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am working as a full-time nurse at Thompson Hospital. My shift
usually
ends at 5. 00 pm.
However
, due to an increasing number of patients in our hospital in the last couple of weeks, I find it impossible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the hospital
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
6. 00 pm and
thus
have missed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
. This disappoints me a lot since I understand how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
it is for me to complete this course.

As a solution and since I
really
want to finish this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
, I would be grateful if you could consider letting me study for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
from home. My job is
closely
related to treating the patient with accidents, and I feel I can learn every point of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in practice.
In addition
, I have read almost every book you recommended as the supplementary reading for your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lectures
and can follow your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lecture
sheets at home.

I hope to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
your approval on this. I am looking forward to receiving your response
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Sincerely
yours,

Nadia
Possible spelling mistake found.
Afsana
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS letter You are employed full-time and also doing a part-time evening course. You are not able to continue the course. v. 3

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
224 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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