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You are attending a night college. You are not happy about a course you are doing. Write a letter to the director. Describe the following: 1)What your course is? 2)Why are you not happy about it? 3)What you want them to do? v.2

You are attending a night college. You are not happy about a course you are doing. Write a letter to the director. Describe the following: 1)What your course is? 2)Why are you not happy about it? 3)What you want them to do? v. 2
Dear sir or madam, I am writing to you to highlight an issue that I have been facing in relation to the night college course where I am enrolled. Allow me to elaborate. I have been attending the night college at your university which has been bridging the gap between people who left their education and had started working. I am taking a course in the technical education department and also gainfully employed presently. However, at the time of enrolment, it was communicated that there will be less or no work which ought to be completed by the students in relation to the courses. But, it has been seen that the home assignments have been increasing in number and which in turn has impacted the work life. Moreover, the reason for joining the night college was to focus on both educational and professional life. Whereas, after joining the course the workload has quadrupled for me. As such, I request you to kindly address the issue and reduce the home assignments which would enable to maintain a balance between work and education. I hope you can empathize with my situation and help me out before it is too late. Yours sincerely, Brad Jason
Dear sir or madam,

I am writing to you to highlight an issue that I have been facing in relation to the night college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
where I
am enrolled
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Allow
me to elaborate.

I have been attending the night college at your university which has been bridging the gap between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
their education and had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working. I am taking a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
in the technical education department and
also
gainfully
employed
presently
.

However
, at the time of
Possible spelling mistake. 'enrolment' is British English.
enrolment
, it
was communicated
that there will be less or no work which ought to
be completed
by the students in relation to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the home assignments have been increasing in number and which in turn has impacted the work life.

Moreover
, the reason for joining the night college was to focus on both educational and professional life. Whereas, after joining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
course
the workload has quadrupled for me. As such, I request you to kindly address the issue and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the home assignments which would enable to maintain a balance between work and education.

I hope you can empathize with my situation and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it is too late.

Yours
sincerely
,

Brad Jason
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS letter You are attending a night college. You are not happy about a course you are doing. Write a letter to the director. Describe the following: 1)What your course is? 2)Why are you not happy about it? 3)What you want them to do? v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
201 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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