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Schools should do more to prepare students for the non-academic aspects of adulthood. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developin v.2

Schools should do more to prepare students for the non-academic aspects of adulthood. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developin v. 2
Italian Thinker Antonio Gramsci states that the education of a human being is bifurcated. According to him, education starts in the social sphere, particularly, at home, with family and friends. Then, it continues at school, in military or in workplace. In this case, we can assume that the education of a human being continues as long as he or she ceases to exist. Also, by “education” he means is a non-academic one. Such a process turns a biological being into a social one. Gramshi’s point of view, especially the idea that education starts at home, is widely acknowledged. However, we are living in the 21th century now. The children can barely spend time with their families. Parents are spending long hours at work and children are almost raised by professional baby-sitters. Also, compared to the previous years, children are starting to receive education at school at younger ages in many developed countries. In this case, we can say that the responsibility on the shoulders of schools in terms of non-academic education gets heavier. Thus, it is defendable that schools might be spending more effort to get children ready for life, after the academic one. One good example for that is the “Village Institutes” in Turkey. These institutes were offering education mainly focused on parenthood, arts and crafts, farming alongside with maths, science and linguistics. It can be said that the academic and non-academic lectures were almost tantamount. These institutes were the places to go for the people who will be staying in their villages after graduation and these schools were enormously succesful for developing the rural areas. Nevertheless, it should not be forgotten that a dentist or a construction sector worker, no matter what they want to be, every children should receive a degree of academic education. Everyone asks “How am I going to use algebra in life? ” to their teachers at school. However, in case of an economic crisis, everyone should be able to think critically and deal with such issues with problem solving skills. My argument in this case is that, the solution is establishing specialized institutes for every need. There should be schools focusing partly on non-academic topics, since we also need scrupulous tailors, succesful repairmen and detail-oriented blue-collar workers. However, we also need professors, teachers, doctors too. Private sector or governments might establish specialized academic schools and lead children who are interested in academic life to these institutes. Every children should be able to receive education according to his or her aspirations or talents.
Italian Thinker Antonio
Gramsci
states that the
education
of a human being
is bifurcated
. According to him,
education
starts
in the social sphere,
particularly
, at home, with family and friends. Then, it continues at
school
, in military or in workplace.
In this case
, we can assume that the
education
of a human being continues as long as he or she ceases to exist.
Also
, by
“education”
he means is a non-academic one. Such a process turns a biological being into a social one.

Gramshi
’s point of view,
especially
the
idea
that
education
starts
at home, is
widely
acknowledged.
However
, we are living in the
21th
century
now
. The
children
can
barely
spend time with their families. Parents are spending long hours at work and
children
are almost raised by professional baby-sitters.
Also
, compared to the previous years,
children
are starting to receive
education
at
school
at younger ages in
many
developed countries
.
In this case
, we can say that the responsibility on the shoulders of
schools
in terms of non-academic
education
gets
heavier.
Thus
, it is
defendable
that
schools
might be spending more effort to
get
children
ready for life, after the
academic
one.

One
good
example for
that is
the “Village Institutes” in Turkey. These institutes were offering
education
mainly
focused on parenthood, arts and crafts, farming alongside with
maths
, science and linguistics. It can
be said
that the
academic
and non-academic lectures were almost tantamount. These institutes were the places to go for the
people
who will be staying in their villages after graduation and these
schools
were
enormously
succesful
for developing the rural areas.

Nevertheless
, it should not
be forgotten
that a dentist or a construction sector worker, no matter what they want to be, every
children
should receive a degree of
academic
education
. Everyone asks “How am I going to
use
algebra in life? ” to their teachers at
school
.
However
, in case of an economic crisis, everyone should be able to
think
critically
and deal with such issues with problem solving
skills
.

My argument
in this case
is that, the solution is establishing specialized institutes for every need. There should be
schools
focusing partly on non-academic topics, since we
also
need scrupulous tailors,
succesful
repairmen and detail-oriented blue-collar workers.
However
, we
also
need professors, teachers, doctors too. Private sector or
governments
might establish specialized
academic
schools
and lead
children
who
are interested
in
academic
life to these institutes. Every
children
should be able to receive
education
according to
his or her
aspirations or talents.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS letter Schools should do more to prepare students for the non-academic aspects of adulthood. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developin v. 2

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
419 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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