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Write a letter to the shop you bought an equipment that you use for your jobin your letterdescribe the problems with the equipmentexplain how his problem is affecting your worksay what you want the shop or company to do v.2

Write a letter to the shop you bought an equipment that you use for your jobin your letterdescribe the problems with the equipmentexplain how his problem is affecting your worksay what you want the shop or company to do v. 2
Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to you about the problems with the laptop I bought from your shop last month. After I turned on the device, I realized there is a problem with wifi network adaptor, which makes it impossible to connect to the internet by it. Moreover, the screen of the device goes black after half an hour. I called your customer service, and they told me try upgrading the OS, which I did but did not seem to to solve the problems. I am very interested by these problems, especially since I intended to use it everyday for my work. I used to go online and watch related movies in order to update m knowledge regarding new inventions and innovations in my field of expertise. Since buying this laptop, I have been unable to do so. Although I tried to reach out to your customer service to fix the device, not only did not their solution work, but they did not send one to fix to device. I ask your shop tp either change the device for me with a new one or a complete refund. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours Faithfully, Aidin Farughi
Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to you about the problems with the laptop I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
from your shop last month.

After I turned on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
, I realized there is a problem with
Did you mean "Wi-Fi"? (This is the officially approved term by the Wi-Fi Alliance.)
wifi
network adaptor, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it impossible to connect to the internet by it.
Moreover
, the screen of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
goes black after half an hour. I called your customer service, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me try upgrading the OS, which I did
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
did not seem
Possible typo: you repeated a word
to to
solve the problems.

I am
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
In English, people don't say "interested by'. They say, "interested in'. Did you mean "interested in"?
interested by
these problems,
especially
since I intended to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
for my work.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to go online and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
related movies in order to update m knowledge regarding new inventions and innovations in my field of expertise. Since buying this laptop, I have been unable to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

Although I tried to reach out to your customer service to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
did not their solution work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
. I ask your shop
Possible spelling mistake found.
tp
either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
device
for me with a new one or a complete refund.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours
Faithfully
,

Aidin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Farughi
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS letter Write a letter to the shop you bought an equipment that you use for your jobin your letterdescribe the problems with the equipmentexplain how his problem is affecting your worksay what you want the shop or company to do v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
200 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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