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write a letter to the company manager regarding online item that you have purchased. Describe the item. What is the issue is? What you expect the manager to do? v.2

write a letter to the company manager regarding online item that you have purchased. Describe the item. What is the issue is? What you expect the manager to do? v. 2
Dear sir or madam, i am writing in express to the complaint regarding a printer that I have purchased from your prestigious online website ' save on electronics ' on 25th august 2019. Let me elaborate in details. Initially, the product I borrowed was of company Canon. It is black in colour and includes peculiar features of a scanner and colour printing. Due to the 70 % of clearance on your electronic products on the website i have made up my mind to purchase it. Finally, it was to deliver to my residential address on 1 September 2019. I was excited to use this new gadget as well as i was waiting to print my some official documents. Unfortunately, after plugging it with my desktop the moment i have clicked the print option to print my files it didn' t work. I tried continuously to start printing it didn' t respond. I was feeling petite at my situation, as those documents was urgently needed for my next day meeting. In that circumstance, i have to rush to the local printer shop. At the end of the day, i have called many times to your customer service. Unluckily, they have not responded to my calls. After two days, i got a call from your customer representative he said me that they will take back printer for repair but they have not arrived until now. So i want you to refund my guaranteed money back. As i was thinking of getting it repair but your poor quality customer service had made me change up my mind. i look forward to reply from you soon, yours sincerely, sarab.
Dear sir or madam,

Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am writing in express to the complaint regarding a printer that I have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from your prestigious online website ' save on electronics ' on 25th
The month "August" needs to be capitalized.
august
2019.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
me elaborate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
.

Initially
, the product I borrowed was of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Canon. It is
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
black in colour
and includes peculiar features of a scanner and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colour' is British English.
colour
printing.

Due to the 70 % of clearance on your electronic products on the website
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have made up my mind to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
it.
Finally
, it was to deliver to my residential address on 1 September 2019. I
was excited
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this new gadget
as well
as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was waiting to print my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
official documents. Unfortunately, after plugging it with my desktop the moment
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have clicked the print option to print my files it
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t work. I tried
continuously
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
printing it
Possible spelling mistake found.
didn&
#039; t respond. I was feeling petite at my situation, as those documents was
urgently
needed for my
next
day meeting. In that circumstance,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
rush to the local printer shop.

At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the day,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
have called
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times to your customer service.
Unluckily
, they have not responded to my calls. After two days,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a call from your customer representative he
'Say' cannot be followed by a direct personal object. Did you mean "told"?
said
me that they will take back printer for repair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have not arrived until
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
want you to refund my guaranteed money back. As
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
was thinking of getting it repair
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
your poor quality customer service had made me
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
up my mind.

Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
look forward
In the grammatical structure 'look + forward + to + verb', the verb 'to' is used with the gerund: "to replying".
to reply
from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
,

yours
sincerely
,

Possible spelling mistake found.
sarab
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS letter write a letter to the company manager regarding online item that you have purchased. Describe the item. What is the issue is? What you expect the manager to do? v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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