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Write a letter to the company. In your letterdescribe the benefits of sponsoring the sports teamsummarise the benefits of paying for the concertssay how you think the company should spend the money v.3

Write a letter to the company. In your letterdescribe the benefits of sponsoring the sports teamsummarise the benefits of paying for the concertssay how you think the company should spend the money v. 3
Dear Sir, One of your executives approached me yesterday at my house and explained about your company community support program. Since your company has already decided to support one of two initiatives, I shall restrict my feedback on two selected options. The first option i. e. ” Local children’s Sports team for two years” will help the kids to get more focus while playing. It is generally seen that whenever any corporate is attached to local team, the publicity and media attentions increase exponentially. In addition, local team shall be mentored by the professional coach which not only improve the game but also instill confidence being part of the larger organization. The other option “to pay for two open-air concerts” going to be favorite among music lovers. You might be aware that this county is famous for music lovers especially singing and playing guitars. In last British Got talent program, of four finalists, three were from this county. Sponsoring two concerts will give more opportunity to local singers to perform with professional ones. In my view, though 2nd option looks more interesting to me, 1st option is the requirement for the local children as not many organizations take interest in kids club. So, I believe that your company should support local children’s sports team for two years. Yours faithfully TOM
Dear Sir,

One of your executives approached me yesterday at my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
about your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
community support program. Since your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has already decided to support one of two initiatives, I shall restrict my feedback on two selected options.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
option
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
”
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Local
children’s Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
for two years” will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more focus while playing. It is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that whenever any corporate
is attached
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, the publicity and media attentions increase
exponentially
.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
shall
be mentored
by the professional coach which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the game
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
instill confidence being part of the larger organization.

The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
option
“to pay for two open-air concerts” going to be favorite among music lovers. You might be aware that this county is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for music lovers
especially
singing and playing guitars. In last British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Got
talent program, of four finalists, three were from this county. Sponsoring two concerts will give more opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
singers to perform with professional ones.

In my view, though 2nd
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
option
looks more interesting to me, 1st
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
option
is the requirement for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
children as not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations take interest in kids club.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I believe that your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
children’s sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
for two years.

Yours
faithfully


TOM
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter Write a letter to the company. In your letterdescribe the benefits of sponsoring the sports teamsummarise the benefits of paying for the concertssay how you think the company should spend the money v. 3

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
219 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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