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write a letter to organizer of annual festival who is going organize in your place Give feedback for last year mention what you can do and ask some questions about the festival v.2

write a letter to organizer of annual festival who is going organize in your place Give feedback for last year mention what you can do and ask some questions about the festival v. 2
Dear Mr. Shah, I am writing in regards to annual celebration that you are organizing this year. Since I was a part of organizing committee last year, I would like to offer some feedback that would aid your planning this year. Last year, the carnival was proposed in December, and it was in open party plot at Sunpharma road. The celebration went excellent but people had to face inconvenience due to bitter weather and chilling cold. Had the event being placed in resort, people would not have this discomfort. This year again the carnival is thought to be in December; thus, it is better to have these things taken into consideration. If you are looking for a resort, I can help you with the top resorts in the city at the reasonable rates. Having experience of planning several events with them in past, I can assure you of their service and arrangements. Therefore, let me know incase you need any help in this matter. Finally, I am curious to know about the events that are going to take place. My family is super excited to know about the festival theme. I would appreciate if you could advertise certain events and theme, so that we could get our dress well-in-advance to enjoy the fun, I look forward to hearing from you soon. Yours sincerely, XYZ
Dear Mr. Shah,

I am writing
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
annual celebration that you are organizing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Since I was a part of organizing committee last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, I would like to offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feedback that would aid your planning this year.

Last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, the carnival
was proposed
in December, and it was in open party plot at
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sunpharma
road. The celebration went excellent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had to face inconvenience due to bitter weather and chilling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
. Had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
being placed
in resort,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would not have this discomfort. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
again the carnival is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be in December;
thus
, it is better to have these things taken into consideration.

If you are looking for a resort, I can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you with the top resorts in the city at the reasonable rates. Having experience of planning several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
with them
Did you mean: "in the past"?
in past
, I can assure you of their service and arrangements.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me know
Possible spelling mistake found.
incase
you need any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in this matter.

Finally
, I am curious to know about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
that are going to take place. My family is super excited to know about the festival theme. I would appreciate if you could advertise certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and theme,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our dress well-in-advance to enjoy the fun,

I look forward to hearing from you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

XYZ
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS letter write a letter to organizer of annual festival who is going organize in your place Give feedback for last year mention what you can do and ask some questions about the festival v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
223 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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