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The prediction that people living in the 21st century will have more free time because of the improvement in technology has come true. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

The prediction that people living in the 21st century will have more free time because of the improvement in technology has come true. v. 2
Nowadays, due to advancement in technology, many tasks those used to take hours or days can be accomplished in few minutes. Owing to this, many people believe that leisure time of people would increase dramatically, whereas, others believe that these developments will not impact people’s free time. I am more inclined to the latter one, due to the reasons mentioned in the following essay. On the one hand, technological developments have impacted every aspect of our life. Now, we are able to complete tasks very quickly. For instance, earlier the communication used to happen over letters and it would take days or months to reach these letters to their destined person. But these days, using e-mails, messages can be sent within few seconds. This example clearly states that we are taking less time to finish the same task. On the other hand, people these days are materialistic. They want as many luxury as they can and in this race of getting more and more, they are working hard, making their lives busier and stressful. In India for instance, mostly both spouse in a family are working to fulfil their rising necessities. Hence, they are getting less free time to spend with each other or their family. Apparently, it can be seen, even though the time to execute tasks has reduced, people in the modern world, are not getting enough time to relax. In conclusion, after looking at both sides, it can be deduced, that even after the technological advancements, men and women are not getting enough leisure time, in present era. I have firm belief, if the trend would continue, it would surely affect the social and personal life of all, leading to psychological issues in people such as depression and loneliness.
Nowadays, due to advancement in technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tasks those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to take hours or days can
be accomplished
in few minutes. Owing to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would increase
dramatically
, whereas, others believe that these developments will not impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I am more inclined to the latter one, due to the reasons mentioned in the following essay.

On the one hand, technological developments have impacted every aspect of our life.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, we are able to complete tasks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quickly
.
For instance
, earlier the communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to happen over letters and it would take days or months to reach these letters to their destined person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
these days, using e-mails, messages can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
within few seconds. This example
clearly
states that we are taking less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to finish the same task.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days are materialistic. They want as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
luxury as they can and in this race of getting more and more, they are working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, making their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
busier and stressful. In India
for instance
,
mostly
both spouse in a family are working to fulfil their rising necessities.
Hence
, they are getting less free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with each other or their family.
Apparently
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
,
even though
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to execute tasks has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the modern world, are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to relax.

In conclusion
, after looking at both sides, it can
be deduced
, that even after the technological advancements,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are not getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, in present era. I have firm belief, if the trend would continue, it would
surely
affect the social and personal life of all, leading to psychological issues in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such as depression and loneliness.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS letter The prediction that people living in the 21st century will have more free time because of the improvement in technology has come true. v. 2

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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