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The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995. v.6

The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995. v. 6
The given charts illustrate the percentage of female, who graduated from three groups of school: (under the intermediate school, intermediate school, over the intermediate school, respectively 1, 2 and 3) in someland between 1945 and 1995. Overall, it is clear that the two most changes in standard in education of lady were group 1 and group 3 over 5 decades. In 1945, the proportion of women graduating under grade 6 accounted for the most at 85% meanwhile the figure for the high level of education ( above year 9) was only 5 % and 10% of total girl graduated secondary school. Over a half-century witnessed an incredible development of education, there was not any female, who dropped out of group 1 school. In contrast, the form 2 school climbed sharply to the most at 90%, eighteen times as itself in the earlier 50 years. The rates of 2 group school were still relatively similar in 1945 at 10%.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
charts illustrate the percentage of female, who graduated from three
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groups
of
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school
: (under the intermediate
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school
, intermediate
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school
, over the intermediate
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school
,
respectively
1, 2 and 3) in
Possible spelling mistake found.
someland
between 1945 and 1995.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the two most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in standard in education of lady were
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group
1 and
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group
3 over 5 decades.

In 1945, the proportion of women graduating under grade 6 accounted for the most at 85% meanwhile the figure for the high level of education
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
above year 9) was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
5 % and 10% of total girl
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
secondary school.

Over a half-century witnessed an incredible development of education, there was not any female, who dropped out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
In contrast
, the form 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
climbed
sharply
to the most at 90%, eighteen times as itself in the earlier 50 years. The rates of 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
were
still
relatively
similar in 1945 at 10%.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS letter The pie charts below show information on the highest level of education of women in Someland in 1945 and 1995. v. 6

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
158 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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