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The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. v.1

The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. v. 1
The line graph compares the number of births and deaths of the New Zealand population during the period from 1901 with forecasts to 2101. It is clear that the mortality has increased in the period shown, but the natality was only on a dramatic rise in the first 50 years and hit a peak in 1906. Overall, the number of births and deaths has experienced a variation with time. In 1901, the birth rates stood at just over 20000s, whereas the figures for death rates were lower, at about 10000s. In 1961, the number of births reached the highest point of around 66000s and followed by a decline after this date. On a slow steady rise before 2001, the number of deaths has started to rise dramatically since then. It is estimated that there will be 45000s people born in New Zealand by 2101. Predictably, the death rates are likely to peak at 60000s by 2090, before falling back to around 59000s at the end of the period.
The line graph compares the
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number
of
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births
and deaths of the New Zealand population during the period from 1901 with forecasts to 2101.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the mortality has increased in the period shown,
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but
the
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natality
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on a dramatic rise in the
first
50 years and hit a peak in 1906.
Overall
, the
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number
of
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births
and deaths has experienced a variation with time.

In 1901, the
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birth
rates stood at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 20000s, whereas the figures for death rates were lower, at about 10000s. In 1961,

the
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number
of
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births
reached the highest point of around 66000s and followed by a decline after this date. On a slow steady rise
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before
2001, the
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number
of deaths has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to rise
dramatically
since then.

It
is estimated
that there will be 45000s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
born in New Zealand by 2101.
Predictably
, the death rates are likely to peak at 60000s by 2090,
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before
falling back to around 59000s at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the period.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS letter The graph below gives information about changes in the birth and death rates in New Zealand between 1901 and 2101. v. 1

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
168 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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