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Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family thant eating out in restaurants or canteens. do you agree or disagree? v.3

Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family thant eating out in restaurants or canteens. v. 3
A simple recognition to the finding of researchers, it’s obviously evident while many people subscribe to cooking and eating at home whether alone or not, other prefer to eat in restaurants and cafes. even though eating in restaurants sounds fascinating, I totally agree to make cook and eat it at home. Firstly, cooking at home brings you a wide list of foods to choose. Besides, all the ingredients are used in foods are surely without any bacteria and are clean. Secondly, fast-food is highly cost. Despite of expensive foods their qualities are declining. While people could spend those money to have a perfect meal at homes with cheaper prices. Furthermore, addicting to have a meal at restaurants brings people nothing but obesity, blood-pressure matters, even some times stroke. Since the quality of oil and material which are used in outdoor foods are doubtfully healthy, sometimes about half people who eat at kind of place have serious body problems that take long to counteract and curb them. To conclude, despite of this fact that many individuals and families using restaurants foods to not waste time in their daily life, many people believe the more amount of home foods, the healthier population. Also, it is needless to indicate Family members gather together to assemble a dish and it makes the family relationships stronger.
A simple recognition to the finding of researchers, it’s
obviously
evident while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
subscribe to cooking and eating at home whether alone or not, other prefer to eat in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
and
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
even
though eating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
sounds fascinating, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
cook and eat it at home.

Firstly
, cooking at home brings you a wide list of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to choose.
Besides
, all the ingredients are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
surely
without any bacteria and are clean.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food is
highly
cost.
Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
their qualities are declining.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could spend
Did you mean "this money" or "those moneys", "those monies"?
those money
to have a perfect meal at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
with cheaper prices.

Furthermore
, addicting to have a meal at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
obesity, blood-pressure matters, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times stroke. Since the quality of oil and material which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are
doubtfully
healthy,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
about half
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who eat at kind of place have serious body problems that take long to counteract and curb them.

To conclude
,
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
this fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals and families using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
to not waste time in their daily life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe the more amount of home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, the healthier population.
Also
, it is needless to indicate Family members gather together to assemble a dish and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the family relationships stronger.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS letter Many people say that cooking and eating at home is better for the individual and the family thant eating out in restaurants or canteens. v. 3

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
221 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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