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the grap show information about the languages that 13 year old students in one school chose to study. v.2

the grap show information about the languages that 13 year old students in one school chose to study. v. 2
The chart compares how 13-year-old students’s tendency to select languages to study in a school in England since 2000. At the beginning point, there was a remarkable difference between the number of french learners and mandarin learners. during this time period, these numbers changed dramatically in two different ways. during the period between 2000 and 2005, the number of students choosing mandarin to study went up sharply and reached a peak of just under 80 learners in 2005. By contrast, in the first year of this period, the number of students studying french was almost fifteen times higher than that of mandarin learners. However, this number dropped significantly in the next five years, from 150 to about 90 students. From 2005 to 2008, the figure of pupils choosing study mandarin fluctuated between 65 and 75 students. In the same way, there was a fluctuation in the number of french learners from 90 to 100 learners. between 2008 and 2009, the french learner numbers fell slightly and after that, it remained steady at about 90 pupils. On the other hand, mandarin learner numbers had increased at the same rate since 2008.
The chart compares how 13-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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students’s
tendency to select languages to study in a school in England since 2000.

At the beginning point, there was a remarkable difference between the
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number
of
"French" needs to be capitalized when not used as a verb.
french
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learners
and mandarin
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learners
.
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during
this time period, these
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numbers
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changed
dramatically
in two
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different
ways.

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during
the period between 2000 and 2005, the
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number
of students choosing mandarin to study went up
sharply
and reached a peak of
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just
under 80
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learners
in 2005. By contrast, in the
first
year of this period, the
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number
of students studying french was almost fifteen times higher than that of mandarin
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learners
.
However
, this
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number
dropped
significantly
in the
next
five years, from 150 to about 90 students.

From 2005 to 2008, the figure of pupils choosing study mandarin fluctuated between 65 and 75 students.
In the same way
, there was a fluctuation in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
"French" needs to be capitalized when not used as a verb.
french
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learners
from 90 to 100
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learners
.
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between
2008 and 2009, the
"French" needs to be capitalized when not used as a verb.
french
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learner
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numbers
fell
slightly
and after that, it remained steady at about 90 pupils.
On the other hand
, mandarin
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learner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
had increased at the same rate since 2008.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS letter the grap show information about the languages that 13 year old students in one school chose to study. v. 2

Letter
  American English
4 paragraphs
190 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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