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In many countries very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV What do you think are the causes of this What solutions can you suggest v.2

In many countries very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV What do you think are the causes of this What solutions can you suggest v. 2
Undoubtedly, few portion of young people show their interest in newspaper or news on T. V. Since the excessive amount of academic pressure in order to perform exceptionally well is the root cause behind such behavior, still the change in the academic curriculum would force them to put their interest in newspaper or news on T. V. Highly competitive environment force them to study around the clock and do not let them to divert their attention. Seemingly, present rat race and aspiration to compete with peers keep their focus in studies. Consequently, adolescents do not have sufficient time to consider the news on newspaper and TV. Also, it is biased to over look the fact published by ' The New York Times' that in the U. S. A only 15 percent of school going teenagers are inclined towards newspaper and news on TV owing to exhaustive pressure of scholastic activities. Therefore, undue pressure related to academic performance is accountable for ignorance of newspaper or news on Tv among juveniles. Probing to the next question, only impeccable solution to curb this issue is to amend the prevailing unrealistic educational curriculum. If authorities correlate the education with current news and prevailing trends, then it is certain that learners would be gravitated towards current affairs in order to intensify their horizon of knowledge. To exemplify, Canada is one of the first nations who have linked their whole academics with current news so that pupils would devote major time towards current news. In conclusion, although it is an arduous task for juveniles to pay attention towards news in amid of extreme academic burden, if school administrations link their scholastic activities with news then young people would consider the news imperative for them.
Undoubtedly
,
Possible agreement error. The noun portion seems to be countable; consider using: "few portions".
few portion
of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on T. V. Since the excessive amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
pressure in order to perform
exceptionally
well is the root cause behind such behavior,
still
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
curriculum would force them to put their interest in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on T. V.

Highly
competitive environment force them to study around the clock and do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them to divert their attention.
Seemingly
, present rat race and aspiration to compete with peers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
studies.
Consequently
, adolescents do not have sufficient time to consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
and TV.
Also
, it
is biased
to over look the fact published by ' The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
York
Possible spelling mistake found.
Times&
#039; that in the U. S. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
15 percent of school going
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are inclined
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on TV owing to exhaustive pressure of scholastic activities.
Therefore
, undue pressure related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
performance is accountable for ignorance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tv
among

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
juveniles
.

Probing to the
next
question,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
impeccable solution to curb this issue is to amend the prevailing unrealistic educational curriculum. If authorities correlate the education with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and prevailing trends, then it is certain that learners would
be gravitated
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
affairs in order to intensify their horizon of knowledge. To exemplify, Canada is one of the
first
nations who have linked their whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academics
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that pupils would devote major time towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
current
news.

In conclusion
, although it is an arduous task for juveniles to pay attention towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
in amid of extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
burden, if school administrations link their scholastic activities with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
then young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
imperative for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS letter In many countries very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV What do you think are the causes of this What solutions can you suggest v. 2

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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