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For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. v.8

For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. v. 8
Dear Mrs Watson, I am a full-time Gold member of your club 'Fitness Shield'. My membership started a year ago, on 5th August 2018 and it is valid for another six months. I have paid all my dues including the security deposit of $250 using my saving account with City Bank. Now I would request you to cancel my membership and refund me the amount after deduction of the next three months' fees. Not to mention, your well-equipped club has offered me enormous benefits so far. The wide range of sports and fitness activities has helped me regain my lean body shape again. The instructors were very professional and with their help, I have found a perfect and healthy diet. The outdoor activities were phenomenal and the lawn tennis coach taught me how to play one of my favourite sports. It is a regret that I am bound to cancel my club membership from 1st December. I have recently been transferred to Edinburgh and I am left with no choice but to move there at the end of November. I would, therefore, request you to cancel my membership and refund my security deposit and any fee left after the deduction. Kindly deposit it to the bank account number 1123456, Barclays Bank, Oxford Street, London. Thanks for such a great club and I wish every success of it. Yours sincerely, Emma Fiona
Dear Mrs Watson,

I am a full-time Gold member of your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
'Fitness Shield'. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
a year ago, on 5th August 2018 and it is valid for another six months. I have paid all my dues including the security deposit of $250 using my saving account with City Bank.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I would request you to cancel my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
and refund me the amount after deduction of the
next
three months' fees.

Not to mention, your well-equipped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
has offered me enormous benefits
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far. The wide range of sports and fitness activities has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
me regain my lean body shape again. The instructors were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
professional and with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, I have found a perfect and healthy diet.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
outdoor activities were phenomenal and the lawn tennis coach taught me how to play one of my
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
sports.

It is a regret that I
am bound
to cancel my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
from 1st December. I have recently
been transferred
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
Edinburgh and
I am
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
with no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
there at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of November. I would,
therefore
, request you to cancel my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
and refund my security deposit and any fee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
after the deduction. Kindly deposit it to the bank account number 1123456, Barclays Bank, Oxford Street, London.

Thanks for such a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
club
and I wish every success of it.

Yours
sincerely
,

Emma Fiona
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Do you know what a foreign accent is? It’s a sign of bravery.
Amy Chua

IELTS letter For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. v. 8

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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