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For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. v.7

For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. v. 7
Dear Mr Hansen, I joined the 'Sports and Social Club' as a full-time student member in 2017. Since then I have paid the monthly membership fees directly to the National Kingshill bank in due time. I have been immensely benefitted from this club but I regret to inform you that I have decided to cancel my membership effective from 1st November. I have thoroughly enjoyed my membership as it has provided me with useful opportunities to meet up with other young people and participate in a number of social activities. I have also been fortunate enough to play in some of the inter-club tennis tournaments and have taken advantage of the various classes available such as Yoga and T'ai chi. However, my studies are now coming to an end and I will shortly be returning to my home country, possibly in November. I regret that I no longer can continue my membership in the club. I would be grateful if you help me complete the official procedures to cancel my membership. I wish every success of the club and its members and organisers. Sincerely yours, Alister Book
Dear Mr Hansen,

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the 'Sports and Social Club' as a full-time student member in 2017. Since
The comma is probably missing here: "then, I".
then I
have paid the monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
fees
directly
to the National
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kingshill
bank in due time. I have been
immensely
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
from this club
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I regret to inform you that I have decided to cancel my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
effective from 1st November.

I have
thoroughly
enjoyed my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
as it has provided me with useful opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with other young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and participate in a number of social activities.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have
also
been fortunate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to play in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
inter-club tennis tournaments and have taken advantage of the various classes available such as Yoga and T'
Possible spelling mistake found.
ai
chi.

However
, my studies are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
coming to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
and I will shortly be returning to my home country,
possibly
in November. I regret that I no longer can continue my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
in the club. I would be grateful if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me complete the official procedures to cancel my membership.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
wish every success of the club and its members and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisers' is British English.
organisers
.

Sincerely
yours,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Alister
Book
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS letter For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. v. 7

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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