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For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. v.7

For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. v. 7
Dear Mr Hansen, I joined the 'Sports and Social Club' as a full-time student member in 2017. Since then I have paid the monthly membership fees directly to the National Kingshill bank in due time. I have been immensely benefitted from this club but I regret to inform you that I have decided to cancel my membership effective from 1st November. I have thoroughly enjoyed my membership as it has provided me with useful opportunities to meet up with other young people and participate in a number of social activities. I have also been fortunate enough to play in some of the inter-club tennis tournaments and have taken advantage of the various classes available such as Yoga and T'ai chi. However, my studies are now coming to an end and I will shortly be returning to my home country, possibly in November. I regret that I no longer can continue my membership in the club. I would be grateful if you help me complete the official procedures to cancel my membership. I wish every success of the club and its members and organisers. Sincerely yours, Alister Book
Dear Mr Hansen,

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
the 'Sports and Social Club' as a full-time student member in 2017. Since
The comma is probably missing here: "then, I".
then I
have paid the monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
fees
directly
to the National
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kingshill
bank in due time. I have been
immensely
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
from this club
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I regret to inform you that I have decided to cancel my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
effective from 1st November.

I have
thoroughly
enjoyed my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
as it has provided me with useful opportunities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
up with other young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and participate in a number of social activities.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
have
also
been fortunate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to play in
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
inter-club tennis tournaments and have taken advantage of the various classes available such as Yoga and T'
Possible spelling mistake found.
ai
chi.

However
, my studies are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
coming to an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
and I will shortly be returning to my home country,
possibly
in November. I regret that I no longer can continue my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
membership
in the club. I would be grateful if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me complete the official procedures to cancel my membership.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
wish every success of the club and its members and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisers' is British English.
organisers
.

Sincerely
yours,

Possible spelling mistake found.
Alister
Book
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS letter For the past year, you have been a member of a local club. Now you want to discontinue your membership. v. 7

Letter
  American English
7 paragraphs
186 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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