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You’ve recently found an object and you think that it might be of some historical value. Write a letter to the director of the museum asking for some information on the object. - Give a description of that object. - Tell them where you found it. - Ask for v.1

You’ve recently found an object and you think that it might be of some historical value. Write a letter to the director of the museum asking for some information on the object. - Give a description of that object. - Tell them where you found it. - Ask for v. 1
It is often argued that the secret for success is working hard. While some people believe that to have a substantial impact on the world they should dedicate their lives to their professions, I would argue that a balance between work and life is crucial to achieve a pivotal position. Working for long hours with no rest time is a trend in this globalised world. Because of that, people are getting sick and developing mental disturbs, such as burnout syndrome. For instance, neurosurgeons usually perform long shifts, with no time to rest between one procedure and another, leading them to a situation of extreme tiredness. If this picture was prohibited by law, forcing them to spend less time on their jobs, it would lead to more effective work. As a result, workers would be more satisfied with their jobs, therefore, performing better. Furthermore, people who spend most of their lives working usually does not have a family or loved ones. To illustrate, in urban cities, there is a growing number of single men and women working more than 10 hours a day. Since they do not have a person to share the conquests, they tend to work even more, leading to a vicious circle. As a consequence, these people feel incomplete, thus the sense of fulfilment is difficult to be reached. In conclusion, although it is common sense that hard-work leads to success, it does not mean that work should be the only activity exerted. In order to achieve fulfilment, balance between work and personal life is vital and should be encouraged by employers and communication media. It is often argued that the secret for success is working hard. While some people believe that to have a substantial impact on the world they should dedicate their lives to work, I would argue that a balance between professional and social is crucial to achieve a pivotal position in our society.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the secret for success is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that to have a substantial impact on the world they should dedicate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to their professions, I would argue that a balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life is crucial to achieve a pivotal position.

Working for long hours with no rest time is a trend in this
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalised' is British English.
globalised
world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting sick and developing mental disturbs, such as burnout syndrome.
For instance
, neurosurgeons
usually
perform long shifts, with no time to rest between one procedure and another, leading them to a situation of extreme tiredness. If this picture
was prohibited
by law, forcing them to spend less time on their jobs, it would lead to more effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
As a result
, workers would be more satisfied with their jobs,
therefore
, performing better.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spend most of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
usually
does not have a family or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. To illustrate, in urban cities, there is a growing number of single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more than 10 hours a day. Since they do not have a person to share the conquests, they tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
even more, leading to a vicious circle. As a consequence, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel incomplete,
thus
the sense of
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
is difficult to
be reached
.

In conclusion
, although it is common sense that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-work leads to success, it does not mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should be the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
activity exerted. In order to achieve
Possible spelling mistake. 'fulfilment' is British English.
fulfilment
, balance between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and personal life is vital and should
be encouraged
by employers and communication media. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that the secret for success is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that to have a substantial impact on the world they should dedicate their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, I would argue that a balance between professional and social is crucial to achieve a pivotal position in our society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay You’ve recently found an object and you think that it might be of some historical value. Write a letter to the director of the museum asking for some information on the object. - Give a description of that object. - Tell them where you found it. - Ask for v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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