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Some people think that sport has an important role in society Others think it is only a leisure activity for some people Discuss both views and give your opinions v.1

Some people think that sport has an important role in society Others think it is only a leisure activity for some people 1
Many people believe that immigration leads different aspects of influence to the society. However, what kind of reasons that making people need to immigrate? In the following paragraphs, we will discuss this issue in depth. First of all, the reasons for migration in past years might due to shortage of food, unstable weather or the war. Take Taiwan, for example, part of our ancient people immigrated from China because of the world war. Therefore, nowadays many friends who live in Taipei are originally from Shanghai, Hong Kong or Beijing. In addition, Taiwanese people can speak several kinds of local languages. From such examples, it demonstrates that the war is one of the main reasons for travelling. Furthermore, it also develops a multicultural environment. Another reason for leading exile is that parents want to provide a better education chance or a better living environment for their children. Take my friend, Tina, for example. Her family is Malaysian Chinese, and she was born and educated in Malaysia. Nonetheless, she studied in Melbourne after graduating from junior high school. Because her mother wanted her to learn English in the English speaking country. Moreover, her family also concerned about her health and Australia has fresher natural areas than Malaysia. Consequently, it can be said that immigration can lead to have better chances of having an educational opportunity and a healthier habitat. To conclude, there is not to say that migration is totally worthy or fully without merit. There are many aspects of the concerns for migration, such as the battle, education and the climate. However, it does lead great impacts to the society. Besides, people need to tolerate and accept different cultures, the government have to take the responsibilities for helping immigrates get used to the new country as well. By that way, immigration could finally become a win win policy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that immigration leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of influence to the society.
However
, what kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
that making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to immigrate? In the following paragraphs, we will discuss this issue in depth.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for migration in past years might due to shortage of food, unstable weather or the war. Take Taiwan,
for example
, part of our ancient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
immigrated from China
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the world war.
Therefore
, nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
friends who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in Taipei are
originally
from Shanghai, Hong Kong or Beijing.
In addition
, Taiwanese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can speak several kinds of local languages. From such examples, it demonstrates that the war is one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for travelling.
Furthermore
, it
also
develops a multicultural environment.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for leading exile is that parents want to provide a better education chance or a better living environment for their children. Take my friend, Tina,
for example
. Her family is Malaysian Chinese, and she
was born
and educated in Malaysia. Nonetheless, she studied in Melbourne after graduating from junior high school.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
her mother wanted her to learn English in the
Did you mean the adjective "English-speaking"?
English speaking
country.
Moreover
, her family
also
concerned about her health and Australia has fresher natural areas than Malaysia.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that immigration can lead to have better chances of having an educational opportunity and a healthier habitat.

To conclude
, there is not to say that migration is
totally
worthy or
fully
without merit. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of the concerns for migration, such as the battle, education and the climate.
However
, it does lead great impacts to the society.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to tolerate and accept
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take the responsibilities for helping immigrates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the new country
as well
. By that way, immigration could
finally
become a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
win win
policy.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that sport has an important role in society Others think it is only a leisure activity for some people 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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