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You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter: •introduce yourself•explain what experie v.2

You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter: •introduce yourself•explain what experie v. 2
Spending leisure time with kith and kin is considered more valuable for young generation instead of going outings from the house. Although young people prefer to entertain themselves by doing different types of activities such as hiking, trekking, surfing, and so on, to name but a few, it is also significant for them to spend quality time with their parents and other family members. From my perspective, adults should spend their free time with their family member, because most of the time adults are busy with their work and rarely have they gotten the chance to meet with near ones. To begin with, it is true that most of the adult generation loves to spend their free time with various types of activities, since they want to come out from their hectic schedule. For example, these days, young people are busy with jobs, study, research, and private activities. For that reason, they would like to spend their leisure time with extra interesting activities such as bungee jumping, hiking snorkelling, etc. As a result, they can get relaxation from their monotonous life. Therefore, thinking to go out from house sounds intriguing if the individual gets hilarious through these works. In contrast, when adults get time from their work m they must be with their family. The reason is that family bond is acute and it should be prioritized at first phased. To cite an example, when an adult was a child, the family took great care of that child. Furthermore, the elders not only succours that person to build his/her career, but sometimes it also shows the path to achieve success. Moreover, sharing the pain and agony with family reduces psychosomatic problem as well as various types of diseases such as heart attack, bronchitis, brain haemorrhage, etc. In addition, if adults meet with family members, their joy knows no bound. Ergo, time spending with friends is worthwhile and precious. In conclusion, I would say that a number of adults adore to do outside activities in their free time while staying plenty of time with family members are more important due to building a natural bond emotionally which has lots of benefits.
Spending leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with kith and kin
is considered
more valuable for young generation
instead
of going outings from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
. Although young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to entertain themselves by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as hiking, trekking, surfing, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few, it is
also
significant for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their parents and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
. From my perspective,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are busy with their work and rarely have they gotten the chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with near ones.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is true that most of the adult generation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, since they want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out from their hectic schedule.
For example
, these days, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are busy with jobs, study, research, and private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. For that reason, they would like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
The extreme adjective for interesting is "fascinating", or "exciting".
extra interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as bungee jumping, hiking
Possible spelling mistake found.
snorkelling
, etc.
As a result
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
relaxation from their monotonous life.
Therefore
, thinking to go out from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
sounds intriguing if the individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
hilarious through these works.

In contrast
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
from their work m they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. The reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bond is acute and it should
be prioritized
at
first
phased. To cite an example, when an adult was a child, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
took great care of that child.
Furthermore
, the elders not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
succours
that person to build his/her career,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the path to achieve success.
Moreover
, sharing the pain and agony with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
psychosomatic problem
as well
as various types of diseases such as heart attack, bronchitis, brain
Possible spelling mistake. 'haemorrhage' is British English.
haemorrhage
, etc.
In addition
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, their joy knows no bound. Ergo,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spending with friends is worthwhile and precious.

In conclusion
, I would say that a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
adore to do outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while staying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
due to building a natural bond
emotionally
which has lots of benefits.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your letter: •introduce yourself•explain what experie v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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