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You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your lett v.33

You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your lett v. 33
Nowadays, children living in remote areas in most developing countries have less fewer opportunities to be provided universal education. While some believe that computers and Internet access could be provided as an effective way to resolve the problem, I would argue that installing new schools and employing teachers are the top priority. In On the one hand, without the help of technology, children in rural villages will face a vast number of difficulties in accessing education. Firstly, the Internet is suggested as a valuable source for information that helps children acquire a great deal of knowledge from the online platform. Moreover, children can participate in online lessons with their teachers via social media like Skype instead of passing an extremely long distance to attend the class. Secondly, the pre – programmed electronic books as well as lessons not only can present knowledge in a vivid and novel way, but these are also useful measures for children to self-study without being completely dependent on teachers. As a result, geographic barriers would be no more a serious problem preventing children from accumulating knowledge. On the other hand, I believe that the role of schools and teachers is highly acclaimed. Unlike developed nations, many rural areas in developing ones have faced a severe teacher and school shortages, leading to illiteracy among children. It seems that schools are able to create effective and competitive learning environments that encourage children to attempt to study. Besides, teachers are more likely to discover their students’ weakness and try to find out more effective educating methodologies in order to help them to improve significantly. For example, children who are less intelligent than others can be spent more time to be taught by their teachers after class hours. In conclusion, it seems to me that to cope with the illiteracy of countryside children, it is more effective to construct new schools and employ more teachers rather than apply the modern technology in education.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living in remote areas in most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
have
Non-standard use of the comparative or superlative. Did you mean "less few"?
less fewer
opportunities to
be provided
universal education. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that computers and Internet access could
be provided
as an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
way to resolve the problem, I would argue that installing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and employing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are the top priority.

In On the one hand, without the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in rural villages will face a vast number of difficulties in accessing education.
Firstly
, the Internet
is suggested
as a valuable source for information that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
acquire a great deal of knowledge from the online platform.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can participate in online lessons with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
via social media like Skype
instead
of passing an
extremely
long distance to attend the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
.
Secondly
, the
A dash was used instead of a hyphen. Did you mean: "pre-programmed".
pre – programmed
electronic books
as well
as lessons not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can present knowledge in a vivid and novel way,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these are
also
useful measures for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to self-study without being completely dependent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
As a result
, geographic barriers would be no more a serious problem preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from accumulating knowledge.

On the other hand
, I believe that the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is
highly
acclaimed. Unlike developed nations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rural areas in developing ones have faced a severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
shortages, leading to illiteracy among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are able to create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
and competitive learning environments that encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to attempt to study.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are more likely to discover their students’ weakness and try to find out more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
educating methodologies in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
significantly
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are less intelligent than others can
be spent
more time to
be taught
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
hours.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that to cope with the illiteracy of countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effective
to construct new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and employ more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
rather
than apply the modern technology in education.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay You have seen an advertisement in an English newspaper for a job working in the City Museum shop during the holidays. You decide to apply for the job. Write a letter to the director of the Museum. In your lett v. 33

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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