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Advertisements bring many negative effects on people and the society. What are these effects? How to solve this problem? v.1

Advertisements bring many negative effects on people and the society. What are these effects? How to solve this problem? v. 1
It is often argued that affluent nations should share their wealth with the poorer nation by providing them good food and education facilities. In my opinion, I completely agree with the above view. However, this help should limit till providing food and education. Also, poorer nations should not depend completely on the help provided by rich nations. The first main reason is that the strong economic condition of the developed countries can easily support the people of poorer countries by nourishing them with healthy food and excellent educational opportunities. Thus, doing such humanitarian work will not put any burden on the budget of wealthy nations. For example, the German government helped Syria with 20% of its annual budget amount by offering basic necessary things such as education and food facilities The second reason is that the citizen of both rich and poor nations are human beings. Therefore, it becomes the moral and ethical duty of the economically sound countries to lend a helping hand to the people of poorer nation who are dying due to starvation and noxious diseases. Hence, wealthy countries can prevent the people of economically weak countries from bad future. For instance, an article published in the Times Now magazine has proved that every year, most of the Asian rich countries help African people to lead a happy life by blessing them with basic facilities such as food and quality education. Although sharing wealth with poorer nation, is vital, this help should only be limited to an extent of providing food and educational facilities. Offering more help to poorer countries by the wealthy nations will result in making financially weaker countries slaves of rich nations. In conclusion, I assert that it becomes onus of rich countries to uplift the low deprived nations, especially in food and the education sector. However, poorer countries should not depend completely on the aid provided by wealthier countries and prevent themselves from the situation of becoming slaves of economically sound countries.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that affluent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should share their wealth with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
by providing them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
facilities. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above view.
However
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
should limit till providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should not depend completely on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
provided by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
nations.

The
first
main reason is that the strong economic condition of the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
easily
support the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by nourishing them with healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and excellent educational opportunities.
Thus
, doing such humanitarian work will not put any burden on the budget of wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
For example
, the German
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
Syria with 20% of its annual budget amount by offering basic necessary things such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
facilities


The second reason is that the citizen of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are human beings.
Therefore
, it becomes the moral and ethical duty of the
economically
sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to lend a helping hand to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
who are dying due to starvation and noxious diseases.
Hence
, wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
economically
weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
future.
For instance
, an article published in the Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
magazine has proved that every year, most of the Asian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
African
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to lead a happy life by blessing them with basic facilities such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and quality education.

Although sharing wealth with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, is vital, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be limited
to an extent of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and educational facilities. Offering more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
will result in making
financially
weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
slaves of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
nations.

In conclusion
, I assert that it becomes onus of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to uplift the low deprived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
,
especially
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
sector.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should not depend completely on the aid provided by wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
themselves from the situation of becoming slaves of
economically
sound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Advertisements bring many negative effects on people and the society. What are these effects? How to solve this problem? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
329 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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