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Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy — computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v.6

Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy — computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v. 6
In this modern world, everyone has to be well versed with the technology. Thus, I would support the idea of purchasing computers for the students rather than buying books for the library. Computers are the need of hour and henceforth getting acquainted with them is significant in today’s life. To substantiate my views I would further discuss how computers are benefical over the books in the library. Firstly, computers can be used in school to improve the basic teaching skills. They can be used along with the projectors to use visual aids while teaching. This will help the students to grasp in a better way and thus will lead to development of knowledge. With respect to the books in the libraries which restrict the students to bookish knowledge. As per the old saying, ”action speaks louder than words”, hence visual teaching aids would have an advantage over the vintage teaching skills. Secondly, computers along with the internet facility will help the students to be in touch with day to day modernisation throughout the world. This can be helpful in various ways viz. news, sports activities, etc. Whereas the books published at a certain time have limited access to data, but the internet has facility of updating the information time to time. Furthermore, the introduction of E-books, which are the computerised books of normal books which we get in libraries, can be used in school. Various online journals can be easily accessed. Different types of books viz. classic literature, biographies, thrillers, etc. are available in this format. Thus we can say having a E-Library instead of a normal library in the schools would be beneficial. Next, computers can be used for recreational purposes. Various movies can be watched, or games could be played. Thus accepting the adage, “all work and no play, makes Jack, a dull guy. ” This will lead to proper balance of study and recreation, both of which are necessary for the development of a student. It would be appropriate to conclude with stating that, purchasing computers for the students would be a better option. As in today’s world it is important to be acquainted with computers and having them in the school will make it easy to learn from an early age.
In this modern world, everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be well versed with the technology.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Thus
, I would support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of purchasing computers for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
rather
than buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
for the library. Computers are the need of hour and henceforth getting acquainted with them is significant in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s life. To substantiate my views I would
further
discuss how computers are
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefical
over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in the library.

Firstly
, computers can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. They can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
along with the projectors to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
visual aids while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to grasp in a better way and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
thus
will lead to development of knowledge. With respect to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in the libraries which restrict the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to bookish knowledge. As per the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying,
There should be a space after a closing quote.
”action
speaks louder than words”,
hence
visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
aids would have an advantage over the vintage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Secondly
, computers along with the internet facility will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be in touch with day to day
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
throughout the world. This can be helpful in various
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "ways'" or "way's"?
ways
viz. news, sports activities, etc. Whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
published at a certain time have limited access to data,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the internet has facility of updating the information time to time.

Furthermore
, the introduction of E-books, which are the
Possible spelling mistake. 'computerised' is British English.
computerised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
of normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in libraries, can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Various online journals can be
easily
accessed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
viz. classic literature, biographies, thrillers, etc. are available in this format.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
we can say having
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
E-Library
instead
of a normal library in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
would be beneficial.

Next
, computers can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for recreational purposes. Various movies can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
, or games could
be played
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Thus
accepting the adage, “all work and no play,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
Jack, a dull guy. ” This will lead to proper balance of study and recreation, both of which are necessary for the development of a student.

It would be appropriate
to conclude
with stating that, purchasing computers for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would be a better option. As in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
be acquainted
with computers and having them in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easy to learn from an early age.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy — computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v. 6

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
375 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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