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Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy — computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v.3

Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy — computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v. 3
The internet is a wonderful tool that helps people to keep in touch with one another no matter the distance. However, I do feel it can be addictive sometimes. Progress usually brings some price, as they say, there are many who are concerned about the negative impact of it on daily lives. To start with, the net has numerous benefits. Undoubtedly, the obvious benefit is the ability to connect with others seamlessly. The advent of it has made it pretty fast to stay in touch with friends and families despite being far apart. Through the use of social networking websites, such as Facebook, Whassup and snap chat to mention a few. For instance, Parents now find it appealing to send their children to study abroad due to the seamless communication internet give, making them have peace of mind. Additionally, businesses and companies have also expanded their business line on a global level. With the power of Skype and video conference, Organizations can now communicate with their business counterparts in other countries. This makes it possible for companies to close a deal without travelling out of their shore like it is done in the past. Nevertheless, development sometimes comes with a price. This convenience that the internet brought to people by just clicking a mouse and transactions is complete will make it difficult for people to escape working. Also, another drawback is that people are so addicted to some websites and this makes it unease for them to have real friends. They rather prefer having a virtual relationship with their social media friends. As a result of this, they become isolated to people around their close environment. To conclude, I totally agree that although there are clear benefits of the internet, there are also certain risks to be considered. However, I believe that this can be minimized id people are properly educated on the effective way to use it.
The internet is a wonderful tool that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with one another no matter the distance.
However
, I do feel it can be addictive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
. Progress
usually
brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
price, as they say, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
who
are concerned
about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of it on daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the net has numerous benefits.
Undoubtedly
, the obvious benefit is the ability to connect with others
seamlessly
. The advent of it has made it pretty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
to stay in touch with friends and families despite being far apart. Through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of social networking websites, such as Facebook,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Whassup
and snap chat to mention a few.
For instance
, Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
find it appealing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their children to study abroad due to the seamless communication internet give, making them have peace of mind.
Additionally
, businesses and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
also
expanded their business line on a global level. With the power of Skype and video conference, Organizations can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
communicate with their business counterparts in other countries. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it possible for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to close a deal without travelling out of their shore like it
is done
in the past.

Nevertheless
, development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with a price. This convenience that the internet brought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
clicking a mouse and transactions is complete will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to escape working.
Also
, another drawback is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addicted to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
websites and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it unease for them to have real friends. They
rather
prefer having a virtual relationship with their social media friends.
As a result
of this, they become isolated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around their close environment.

To conclude
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that although there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
benefits of the internet, there are
also
certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
to
be considered
.
However
, I believe that this can
be minimized
id
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
properly
educated on the effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy — computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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