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20. Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy —computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v.1

20. Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy —computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v. 1
There is a debate going on about the exact curriculum which the Institutes are to be followed. In my opinion Universities must include sports as an additional subject to mitigate the problem of obesity among the students who are of at graduating level. This essay will demonstrate the necessity of such implementations and its effects. Firstly, The Extra physical activities will result not only healthy lifestyle, but also it develops the students to mature mentally, which leads to have a great competitive spirit among the students. For Instance, There is a survey which was conducted with teenagers which states that, there is a high level of skills which developed for the students who have extra activities apart from studies as compared to the others. This reflects that it is advisable to implement those in the studies. Secondly, Lack of additional activities leads to obesity among the students, which intern leads to effect the students to achieve their dreams in their professional path. For example, The survey shows that the people who are of overweight are not able to express themselves and which leads to be a vital thing to achieve their goals. So not having this type of syllabus is affecting the life of students. To conclude, Few people are inclined not to have sports as a subject in their education, but it leads to so many unwanted effects so it is advisable to have sports in the curriculum to reduce the obesity and will improve the lifestyle of students.
There is a debate going on about the exact curriculum which the Institutes are to
be followed
. In my opinion Universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include sports as an additional subject to mitigate the problem of obesity among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are of at graduating level. This essay will demonstrate the necessity of such implementations and its effects.

Firstly
, The Extra physical activities will result not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
healthy lifestyle,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it develops the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to mature mentally, which leads to have a great competitive spirit among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
For Instance
, There is a survey which
was conducted
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
which states that, there is a high level of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which developed for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have extra activities apart from studies as compared to the others. This reflects that it is advisable to implement those in the studies.

Secondly
, Lack of additional activities leads to obesity among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, which intern leads to effect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to achieve their dreams in their professional path.
For example
, The survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are of overweight are not able to express themselves and which leads to be a vital thing to achieve their goals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
not having this type of syllabus is affecting the life of students.

To conclude
, Few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
not to have sports as a subject in their education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
unwanted effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is advisable to have sports in the curriculum to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the obesity and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 20. Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy —computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
250 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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