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In many countries, there is no access to education for children in remote villages/communities. Some people believe that the best solution is to provide teachers and schools. Others think computer and internet connection is better selection. Discuss both v.2

In many countries, there is no access to education for children in remote villages/communities. Some people believe that the best solution is to provide teachers and schools. Others think computer and internet connection is better selection. 2
It is commonly believed that most children dwelling in remote rural localities do not benefit from education. While some argue that a possible solution to this is to establish educational institutions and bring a number of teacher, others claim that computers and the internet access would facilitate children' s education. In my opinion, young people who do not have access to education are undoubtedly in need of both schools and the internet. On the one hand, in most countries it is mandatory for children to enroll at school and receive education until a certain age at least. Thereby, according to the law, every children has the right to education. The government should ensure that schools will be built in remote areas and that they will offer well-equipped laboratories and properly trained teachers. It is of paramount importance for young people to get educated so that they may become valuable and skilled workers in the future. Furthermore, providing children living in remote areas with schools and teachers is likely to make them capable of improving the poor situation of their hometowns. On the other hand, studies have proved that a child who is given a computer connected to the internet can easily browse the Web and consequently acquire vast information even if he has never had knowledge regarding computers prior to this. Hence, to a certain degree, children are bound to learn a variety of things by merely surfing the internet. Nevertheless, a drawback is the fact that young people can get in touch with dangerous persons or enter web pages having an inappropriate content for their age. It is necessary to make sure that the youngsters use the internet only for well-intentioned and educational purposes. To conclude, I strongly believe that the most effective approach to the matter in question is to incorporate technology (computers, the internet) into the teaching methods so as to arouse the pupils' interest as much as possible. It is clear that remote communities ought to be heavily reformed in terms of education system and this can be achieved only by providing educational facilities.
It is
commonly
believed that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
dwelling in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
rural localities do not benefit from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that a possible solution to this is to establish educational institutions and bring a number of teacher, others claim that computers and the internet access would facilitate
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. In my opinion, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are
undoubtedly
in need of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and the internet.

On the one hand, in most countries it is mandatory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enroll at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and receive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
until a certain age at least. Thereby, according to the law, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
has the right to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
will
be built
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
areas and that they will offer well-equipped laboratories and
properly
trained teachers. It is of paramount importance for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they may become valuable and skilled workers in the future.
Furthermore
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
areas with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and teachers is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them capable of improving the poor situation of their hometowns.

On the other hand
, studies have proved that a child who is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a computer connected to the internet can
easily
browse the Web and
consequently
acquire vast information even if he has never had knowledge regarding computers prior to this.
Hence
, to a certain degree,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are bound
to learn a variety of things by
merely
surfing the internet.
Nevertheless
, a drawback is the fact that young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in touch with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
persons or enter web pages having an inappropriate content for their age. It is necessary to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that the youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for
Possible spelling mistake found.
well-intentioned
and educational purposes.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that the most effective approach to the matter in question is to incorporate technology (computers, the internet) into the teaching methods
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
arouse the
Possible spelling mistake found.
pupils&
#039; interest as much as possible. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remote
communities ought to be
heavily
reformed in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system and this can
be achieved
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by providing educational facilities.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, there is no access to education for children in remote villages/communities. Some people believe that the best solution is to provide teachers and schools. Others think computer and internet connection is better selection. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
348 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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