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Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy —computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v.2

Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy —computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v. 2
Decline in public health levels has become more evident worldwide phenomenon. Therefore, some fervent supports believe that the government should allocate national revenue on building new sports facilities whereas others advice the contrary and suggest that by adopting other measures - by making people aware about the resultant impacts of fast-food and levying taxes on Tobacco and Alcohol supposedly- a perfect health can be achieved. This essay will discuss some relevant reasons behind both views reasonably deeply. Proponents of sports centres argue that not only will these facilities enhance the potential of humanity, but also it will encourage the masses to exercise. In this modern era, where people are addicted to have a sedentary lifestyle, there this imperfect living standard fuels the unprecedented rise in lethal diseases. But these kind of gaming amenities would stimulate the interest of community into games and force them to renounce bad living habits. As a result, a host of medical conditions can be warded off. For example, an article published in an Indian newspaper showed that compared to sportsmen or women, ordinary citizens are more likely to be affected by fatal diseases, but these problems would easily have been ironed out if the government had constructed fairly attractive gaming spots before. Self-evidently, these points stand in the favour of sport facilities. Opponents of sports centres, given the benefits of sports, still take it as a subject of denunciation because interest of sports is not universal. So what should be done? There are some advantageous suggestions which should be put forward. One of them is banned on drugs and second is awareness about the affects if junk food. Firstly, enormous clear evidences proves that a lot of death cases occur in society attributed to Tobacco, smoking and Alcohol. Therefore, if ban goes into effect, then these directives will work as an effective deterrent against drugs. Secondly, it is also true that street vendors decorate their dishes as to fuel the appetite of customers and being unwitting of gravitational physical effects fast food intake, people include it in a daily meal which lead to serious health issues and these can be worked out by making folks aware about the inherent dangers of junk food. At the end, above described alternatives can be used as viable solutions. To conclude, everyone has recognised the importance of an old adage "Health is wealth" and this essay discussed some considerable viewpoints related to both statements. Although sports facilities improve body stamina which is an effective weapon against unhealthy substances yet other mentioned options are also useful alternatives.
Decline in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
levels has become more evident worldwide phenomenon.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fervent supports believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should allocate national revenue on building new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities whereas others advice the contrary and suggest that by adopting other measures
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
by making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aware about the resultant impacts of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food and levying taxes on Tobacco and Alcohol
supposedly
- a perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
can
be achieved
. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant reasons behind both views
reasonably
deeply
.

Proponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
argue that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
will these facilities enhance the potential of humanity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it will encourage the masses to exercise. In this modern era, where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are addicted
to have a sedentary lifestyle, there this imperfect living standard fuels the unprecedented rise in lethal diseases.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of gaming amenities would stimulate the interest of community into games and force them to renounce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
living habits.
As a result
, a host of medical conditions can
be warded
off.
For example
, an article published in an Indian newspaper
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that compared to sportsmen or women, ordinary citizens are more likely to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by fatal diseases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these problems would
easily
have
been ironed
out if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
had constructed
fairly
attractive gaming spots
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Self-
evidently
, these points stand in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities.

Opponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
still
take it as a subject of denunciation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is not universal.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
what should
be done
? There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantageous suggestions which should
be put
forward. One of them
is banned
on drugs and second is awareness about the affects if junk food.
Firstly
, enormous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidences proves that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
death cases occur in society attributed to Tobacco, smoking and Alcohol.
Therefore
, if ban goes into effect, then these directives will work as an effective deterrent against drugs.
Secondly
, it is
also
true that street vendors decorate their dishes as to fuel the appetite of customers and being unwitting of gravitational physical effects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food intake,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
include it in a daily meal which lead to serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues and these can
be worked
out by making folks aware about the inherent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of junk food. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, above
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
alternatives can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as viable solutions.

To conclude
, everyone has
Possible spelling mistake. 'recognised' is British English.
recognised
the importance of an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
adage
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Health is wealth
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
and this essay discussed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
considerable viewpoints related to both statements. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
body stamina which is an effective weapon against unhealthy substances
yet
other mentioned options are
also
useful alternatives.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Your school has enough money to purchase either computers for students or books for the library. Which should your school choose to buy —computers or books? Use specific reasons and examples to support your recommendation. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
427 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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