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Schools should do more to prepare students for the non-academic aspects of adulthood. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developin v.1

Schools should do more to prepare students for the non-academic aspects of adulthood. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developin v. 1
The development in countries leads to the separation of families and decrease in the number of members in the family. In this essay, we will discuss the reasons for this cause and how it in turn affects the society. The fundamental reason for the growth of the country is from birth control. The country with least population is seen to be developed when compared to those having large populations. For instance, United states of America is a developed country, whereas India is still developing. This is due to the amount of population in India, which is far more than USA. In addition, People in developed countries are educated enough to lead an independent life, which results in reduction of family sizes. Whereas in foreign countries, children after legal age move out of their parents house to start their own journey of their life. Thus, these are the reasons resulting in small families. This has a great impact on the society in various ways. Parents can nurture their children in the proper manner. Children from a warm and decent family will learn socialization skills very well compared to those who are from dysfunctional homes, wherein much care and morals are taught to those children, who has good interaction with their family members, which is not possible for those who are from joint families. Moreover, the society benefits from the growth of the children and keeping them educated. To conclude, family size has fallen due to birth control and education. This has positive impacts on society, as it helps children to interact with their parents and learn some social skills and moral values.
The development in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
leads to the separation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
and decrease in the number of members in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In this essay, we will discuss the reasons for this cause and how it in turn affects the society.

The fundamental reason for the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is from birth control. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the least".
least
population is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to
be developed
when compared to those having large populations.
For instance
,
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
United states of America
is a developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, whereas India is
still
developing. This is due to the amount of population in India, which is far more
A determiner is probably missing here: "than the USA".
than USA
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are educated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to lead an independent life, which results in reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
sizes. Whereas in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
after legal age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
journey of their life.
Thus
, these are the reasons resulting in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
families.

This has a great impact on the society in various ways. Parents can nurture their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the proper manner.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
from a warm and decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
will learn socialization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well compared to those who are from dysfunctional homes, wherein much care and morals
are taught
to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
interaction with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, which is not possible for those who are from joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Moreover
, the society benefits from the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and keeping them educated.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
size has fallen due to birth control and education. This has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on society, as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to interact with their parents and learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and moral values.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Schools should do more to prepare students for the non-academic aspects of adulthood. Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developin v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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