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Some people think public library services are no long necessary but other think public libraries are useful services. Give your opinion v.1

Some people think public library services are no long necessary but other think public libraries are useful services. Give your opinion v. 1
There is no denying in the saying that precautionary measures taken beforehand are better than cure. It is suggested by a few people that the expenditure of the government on healthcare should be divided between treatment and providing health education and preventive measures. I agree with the given notion, as it will be fruitful for people in various aspects. Firstly, a large amount of money is expended by the higher authorities by constructing infrastructure on treating people who have diseases that can be prevented easily. For example, mouth cancer is mainly caused by chewing tobacco, but if people refrain from doing so, they will not get this disease. This can be done when the government allocates a certain amount of funds to educating people regarding the potential drawbacks of tobacco. As a result, much amount of money can be saved that otherwise has to be spent on their treatment. This is because creating awareness among people is relatively easier than treatment that can be done through seminars, imparting education in schools, and advertisements. Secondly, providing health education and giving knowledge about pre-emptive measures brings results that are beneficial in the longer run. To illustrate, when children are taught about the importance of health in schools, they are less likely to indulge in activities, such as consuming alcohol and chewing tobacco, that are deleterious for their health. Not only this will give children a healthy childhood but also children will adopt a salubrious lifestyle for the rest of their lives. When this approach is compared to giving treatment to disease-stricken people, it turns out to be more advantageous, as it abstains people from adopting an unhealthy lifestyle in the first place. To conclude, a share of money from a health budget dedicated to providing health education and popularizing the trend of exercising caution is a feasible approach in preventing diseases. This approach provides long term benefits. The government, therefore, should divert money towards health education and prevention measures.
There is no denying in the saying that precautionary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
taken beforehand are better than cure. It
is suggested
by a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that the expenditure of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
on healthcare should
be divided
between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
and providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and preventive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion, as it will be fruitful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in various aspects.

Firstly
, a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is expended
by the higher authorities by constructing infrastructure on treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have diseases that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
easily
.
For example
, mouth cancer is
mainly
caused by chewing tobacco,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
refrain from doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this disease. This can
be done
when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
allocates a certain amount of funds to educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
regarding the potential drawbacks of tobacco.
As a result
, much amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be saved
that
otherwise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be spent
on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
creating awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
relatively
easier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
that can
be done
through seminars, imparting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in schools, and advertisements.

Secondly
, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and giving knowledge about
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-emptive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
brings results that are beneficial in the longer run. To illustrate, when children
are taught
about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in schools, they are less likely to indulge in activities, such as consuming alcohol and chewing tobacco, that are deleterious for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this will give children a healthy childhood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
children will adopt a salubrious lifestyle for the rest of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. When this approach
is compared
to giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
to disease-stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it turns out to be more advantageous, as it abstains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from adopting an unhealthy lifestyle in the
first
place.

To conclude
, a share of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
budget dedicated to providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and popularizing the trend of exercising caution is a feasible approach in preventing diseases. This approach provides long term benefits. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
therefore
, should divert
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and prevention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
measures
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A foreign language is like a frail, delicate muscle. If you do not use it, it weakens.
Jhumpa Lahiri

IELTS essay Some people think public library services are no long necessary but other think public libraries are useful services. Give your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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