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Your local hospital has advertised for people to help to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. Write a letter to the hospital. In your letter Explain why you would like to do unpaid work v.1

Your local hospital has advertised for people to help to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. Write a letter to the hospital. In your letter Explain why you would like to do unpaid work v. 1
IT HAS BECOME A GLARING FACT THAT AN INCREASING NUMBER OF PEOPLE THESE DAYS, ARE NOT PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY HEALTHY COMPARED TO INDIVIDUALS FROM THE PAST. THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS THE REASONS BEHIND THIS UGLY TREND AND RECOMMEND FEASIBLE SOLUTIONS. THE MAJOR CAUSE OF NOT BEING IN GOOD SHAPE NOWADAYS, IS LACK OF REGULAR PHYSICAL EXERCISE. THIS IS BECAUSE MOST PEOPLE INCLUDING ADULTS AND CHILDREN ARE RATHER GLUED TO THEIR SCREENS WHENEVER THEY GET A HOLD OF SPARE TIME THAN GET UP AND SWEAT OUT BAD FATS. APART FROM THIS, MAJORITY OF THE WORKING POPULATION ARE ENGROSSED IN THEIR JOBS SINCE THESE ARE AVENUES FOR THEM TO EARN A DECENT LIVING. PEOPLE WAKE UP SO EARLY TO GO TO WORK AND DO NOT RETURN HOME UNTIL LATE IN THE EVENING, AND BECAUSE OF THE STRESS OF THE DAY, LACK THE ENERGY AND ZEAL TO EXERCISE. UNDOUBTEDLY, THIS SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE HAS BEEN LINKED TO SOME SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS NAMELY, OBESITY, DIABETES, MIGRAINES, AND STROKE. ANOTHER CAUSE OF BEING PHYSICALLY UNFIT AND INACTIVE IS HIGH CONSUMPTION OF PROCESSED FOODS. GREATER NUMBER OF PEOPLE FIND FAST FOODS CONVENIENT AS THEY DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT JUGGLING UP THEIR JOBS AND FINDING THE RIGHT RECIPES FOR FOOD. IN ADDITION, MANY PEOPLE BELIEVE THAT FOODS PURCHASED FROM RESTAURANTS ARE MORE TASTY AND DELICIOUS THAN HOME-MADE MEALS, THUS THE REASON A LOT OF THEM DO NOT BOTHER TO COOK AT HOME. AS EVIDENCED BY RESEARCH, THIS HAS NEGATIVE EFFECTS ON HUMAN BODY. A PRIME EXAMPLE, IS A RECENT STUDY BY JOHN HOPKINS UNIVERSITY WHICH FOUND THAT 68% OF FEMALES SUFFERING FROM FIBROIDS HAVE ATTESTED TO CONSUMING MAINLY PROCESSED FOODS AND LITTLE OR NO FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. DESPITE THE ABOVE-MENTIONED PROBLEMS, THE SOLUTION FALLS, ON BOTH INDIVIDUALS AND THE GOVERNMENT. FIRST, PEOPLE SHOULD LEARN TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF THEIR HEALTH BY PARTICIPATING IN DAILY WORK-OUT AND ELIMINATING THE CONSUMPTION OF FIZZY DRINKS AND DEEP-FRIED FOODS. ALSO, GOVERNMENT SHOULD INCREASE THE TAX PAID BY FIZZY DRINKS COMPANIES AND FAST FOOD OUTLETS. THIS SINGULAR ACT WILL CAUSE MANY IN THIS LINE OF BUSINESS TO SHUT DOWN AND SWITCH TO OTHER BENEFICIAL BUSINESS. IN CONCLUSION, WHILE MANY INDIVIDUALS ARE NOT AS FIT AS PEOPLE FROM DECADES AGO BECAUSE OF LITTLE OR NO EXERCISE AND HIGH INDULGENCE IN TAKING ON-THE-GO FOODS AND DRINKS, IT IS THE DUTY OF THE PEOPLE AND THOSE IN HIGHER AUTHORITY TO EMBRACE MEASURES THAT WILL TACKLE THIS CHALLENGE.
IT HAS BECOME A GLARING FACT THAT AN INCREASING NUMBER OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
THESE DAYS, ARE NOT
PHYSICALLY
AND MENTALLY HEALTHY COMPARED TO INDIVIDUALS FROM THE PAST. THIS ESSAY WILL DISCUSS THE REASONS BEHIND THIS UGLY TREND AND RECOMMEND FEASIBLE SOLUTIONS.

THE MAJOR CAUSE OF NOT BEING IN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOOD
SHAPE NOWADAYS, IS LACK OF REGULAR PHYSICAL EXERCISE. THIS IS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
MOST
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
INCLUDING ADULTS AND CHILDREN ARE
RATHER
GLUED TO THEIR SCREENS WHENEVER THEY
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
A HOLD OF SPARE TIME THAN
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GET
UP AND SWEAT OUT
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
BAD
FATS. APART FROM THIS, MAJORITY OF THE WORKING POPULATION
ARE ENGROSSED
IN THEIR JOBS SINCE THESE ARE AVENUES FOR THEM TO EARN A DECENT LIVING.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
WAKE UP
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SO
EARLY TO GO TO WORK AND DO NOT RETURN HOME UNTIL LATE IN THE EVENING, AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
STRESS
OF THE DAY, LACK THE ENERGY AND ZEAL TO EXERCISE.
UNDOUBTEDLY
, THIS SEDENTARY LIFESTYLE HAS
BEEN LINKED
TO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
SOME
SERIOUS HEALTH PROBLEMS
NAMELY
, OBESITY, DIABETES, MIGRAINES, AND STROKE.

ANOTHER CAUSE OF BEING
PHYSICALLY
UNFIT AND INACTIVE IS HIGH CONSUMPTION OF PROCESSED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOODS
. GREATER NUMBER OF
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
FIND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
FAST
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOODS
CONVENIENT AS THEY DO NOT
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
HAVE TO
WORRY ABOUT JUGGLING UP THEIR JOBS AND FINDING THE RIGHT RECIPES FOR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
.
IN ADDITION
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
BELIEVE THAT
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOODS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
PURCHASED
FROM RESTAURANTS ARE MORE TASTY AND DELICIOUS THAN HOME-MADE MEALS,
THUS
THE REASON
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A LOT OF
THEM DO NOT BOTHER TO COOK AT HOME. AS EVIDENCED BY RESEARCH, THIS HAS
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
NEGATIVE
EFFECTS ON HUMAN BODY. A PRIME EXAMPLE, IS A RECENT STUDY BY JOHN HOPKINS UNIVERSITY WHICH FOUND THAT 68% OF FEMALES SUFFERING FROM
Possible spelling mistake found.
FIBROIDS
HAVE ATTESTED TO CONSUMING
MAINLY
PROCESSED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOODS
AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
LITTLE
OR NO FRUITS AND VEGETABLES.

DESPITE THE ABOVE-MENTIONED PROBLEMS, THE SOLUTION FALLS, ON BOTH INDIVIDUALS AND THE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
.
FIRST
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
SHOULD LEARN TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY OF THEIR HEALTH BY PARTICIPATING IN DAILY WORK-OUT AND ELIMINATING THE CONSUMPTION OF FIZZY DRINKS AND DEEP-FRIED
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOODS
.
ALSO
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
GOVERNMENT
SHOULD INCREASE THE TAX PAID BY FIZZY DRINKS
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
COMPANIES
AND
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
FAST
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOOD
OUTLETS. THIS SINGULAR ACT WILL CAUSE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
IN THIS LINE OF BUSINESS TO SHUT DOWN AND SWITCH TO OTHER BENEFICIAL BUSINESS.

IN CONCLUSION
, WHILE
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
MANY
INDIVIDUALS ARE NOT AS FIT AS
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
FROM DECADES AGO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
BECAUSE
OF
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
LITTLE
OR NO EXERCISE AND HIGH INDULGENCE IN TAKING ON-THE-GO
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
FOODS
AND DRINKS, IT IS THE DUTY OF THE
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
PEOPLE
AND THOSE IN HIGHER AUTHORITY TO EMBRACE MEASURES THAT WILL TACKLE THIS CHALLENGE.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Your local hospital has advertised for people to help to do unpaid work helping at the hospital. You would like to do some work at the hospital in your free time. Write a letter to the hospital. In your letter Explain why you would like to do unpaid work v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
403 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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