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Write about the following topic: Discuss the advantages and disadvantages o f high school students having part-timejobs. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your ownknowledge or experience. v.1

: Discuss the advantages and disadvantages o f high school students having part-timejobs. v. 1
Technological developments have changed the nature of writing. While a number of people believe that learning to write by hand is not essential anymore, others think that handwriting skill still is significant. As well as giving my opinion, this essay will discuss these views and show why writing by hand is still greatly important, and why it is not a necessity to be learned by people. On the one hand, there are a growing number of people who hold the opinion that handwriting skill has become unnecessary over the recent years. The main reason is that technological developments such as computer, smartphone and photography have provided people easier with taking notes. For example, people prefer typing notes on the keyboard over writing by hand and they can save their time and energy. Therefore, a number of people believe that handwriting skill lost its own importance. On the other hand, handwriting skill plays an important role in our lives, according to some. The main reason behind this idea is that they think that handwriting have a positive impact on individuals. For example, a group of scientists from Bilkent University, emphasized the importance of handwriting last year, and one of the greatest benefits of writing by hand is that it is one of the most effective learning methods. In other words, it keeps the brain active while writing and sharpen the brain and help people learn. Even better, if handwriting can help people’s brain keep active, it can prevent people from dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in the future. Thus, handwriting still possesses a great importance. In conclusion, technological advances have changed the way people wrote. This essay clearly has discussed why handwriting skills are ultimately important, and why these skills are not necessary to learn. In my opinion, handwriting, even today, has a greater importance among people because it helps people sharpen their brain, learn effectively and comes with its health benefits.
Technological developments have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
. While a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that learning to write by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
is not essential anymore, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
still
is significant.
As well
as giving my opinion, this essay will discuss these views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
is
still
greatly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and why it is not a necessity to
be learned
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
, there are a growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
has become unnecessary over the recent years. The main reason is that technological developments such as computer, smartphone and photography have provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easier with taking notes.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer typing notes on the keyboard over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
hand and
they can save their time and energy.
Therefore
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
lost its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
importance.

On the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
. The main reason behind this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on individuals.
For example
, a group of scientists from
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bilkent
University, emphasized the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
last year, and one of the greatest benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hand
is that it is one of the most effective learning methods.
In other words
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
active while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
writing
and sharpen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn. Even better, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
active, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from dementia and Alzheimer’s disease in the future.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
still
possesses a great importance.

In conclusion
, technological advances have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wrote. This essay
clearly
has discussed why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are
ultimately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, and why these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are not necessary to learn. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
handwriting
, even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, has a greater importance among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
sharpen their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
, learn
effectively
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its health benefits.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay : Discuss the advantages and disadvantages o f high school students having part-timejobs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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