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Some people believe that all teenagers should have to do unpaid work during their free time in order to help the local community. They think this would benefit the teenagers doing the unpaid work but also society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree? v.3

Some people believe that all teenagers should have to do unpaid work during their free time in order to help the local community. They think this would benefit the teenagers doing the unpaid work but also society as a whole. v. 3
Some people argue that working free of cost for community by youngsters is beneficial not only for themselves, but also for society. In my opinion, I completely agree with this view for reasons stated below. People who are against this concept of young people being engaged in social work argue that such activities are a wastage of precious time of the teenagers. As they are mostly caught up in their educational assignments and course works, dedicating time to charity work will most probably result in inability to concentrate on studies and, hence, poor academic performance. Moreover, they believe that such social activities can easily be performed in adulthood when these assistance skills are actually required in practical life. However, I believe that there a number of reasons why children should be involved in unpaid social work at an early age. Firstly, by engaging in community work such as assisting indigent people in terms of food, clothing and shelter, young people can develop a positive attitude of forgiveness and a sense of gratitude towards the things they already have in their lives which they cannot learn by merely restricting themselves in their own communities. Secondly, act of helping others in poverty, working for rehabilitation, and mitigating environmental rubbish can turn them into responsible citizens and prepare them for real life challenges on becoming adults which is extremely beneficial for society as there is a dire need of such individuals nowadays. In conclusion, although some people may say that community work is a time wastage for young children, I am of the opinion that such social work equips them with necessary skills which are advantageous for themselves and society as well. Therefore, unpaid charity work should be encouraged right from an early childhood.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that working free of cost for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
by youngsters is beneficial not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for society. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view for reasons stated below.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
who are against this concept of young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being engaged
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
argue that such activities are a wastage of precious time of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. As they are
mostly
caught up in their educational assignments and course works, dedicating time to charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will most
probably
result in inability to concentrate on studies and,
hence
, poor academic performance.
Moreover
, they believe that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
activities can
easily
be performed
in adulthood when these assistance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are actually required in practical life.

However
, I believe that there a number of reasons why children should
be involved
in unpaid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at an early age.
Firstly
, by engaging in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
such as assisting indigent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in terms of food, clothing and shelter, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can develop a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attitude of forgiveness and a sense of gratitude towards the things they already have in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which they cannot learn by
merely
restricting themselves in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
.
Secondly
, act of helping others in poverty, working for rehabilitation, and mitigating environmental rubbish can turn them into responsible citizens and prepare them for real life challenges on becoming adults which is
extremely
beneficial for society as there is a dire need of such individuals nowadays.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a time wastage for young children, I am of the opinion that such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
equips them with necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which are advantageous for themselves and society
as well
.
Therefore
, unpaid charity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should
be encouraged
right from an early childhood.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that all teenagers should have to do unpaid work during their free time in order to help the local community. They think this would benefit the teenagers doing the unpaid work but also society as a whole. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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