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Some people believe that all teenagers should have to do unpaid work during their free time in order to help the local community. They think this would benefit the teenagers doing the unpaid work but also society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that all teenagers should have to do unpaid work during their free time in order to help the local community. They think this would benefit the teenagers doing the unpaid work but also society as a whole. v. 1
Happiness is the foundation of our life. There are so many ways to be happy. Having lots of cash is the main approach to be cheerful. It’s generally believed that, money is the primary key of joyfulness. However, cash is not the only key to happiness. There are other ways as well. This essay will elaborate how people make happy with having wealth and what other ways bring people joyful. First and foremost, Wealthy people easily accomplish their needs. Also, they can buy anything what they want without having any trouble. Because wealth can do anything. Compared to the middle class people, wealthy people have more authority in the society and spend luxury lifestyle. For instance, world famous cricketers, actors and actress, film produces and musicians are rich people nowadays. They are using villas, palace as their home and using most expensive vehicles like Ferrari, Lamborghini, and BMW etc. Furthermore, the rich people have facility getting the best health care treatments. Moreover, they have ability to travel around the world and while wearing expensive brands. However, currency is not the only key, which will keep people happy in their entire life. Love, Care, Family and Health that sort of things also need and those things can’t purchase. For example, money is not worth without having a family. Because family is who helps each other whenever you're in need of something, brings love and care so much. Life without love would be incomplete. In addition to this, well-being results in happiness. For instance, for a person suffering from a serious illness, better fitness is the biggest happiness of life. In conclusion, the currency has always been an essential feature of being cheerful and having family, love, care and good fitness also play an important role in making people happy.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Happiness
is the foundation of our life. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Having
lots of cash is the main approach to be cheerful. It’s
generally
believed that, money is the primary key of joyfulness.
However
, cash is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
key to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
. There are other ways
as well
. This essay will elaborate how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
wealth and what other ways bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
joyful.

First
and foremost, Wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
accomplish their needs.
Also
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
anything what they want without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
any trouble.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
wealth can do anything. Compared to the middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have more authority in the society and spend luxury lifestyle.
For instance
, world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
cricketers, actors and actress, film produces and musicians are rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays. They are using villas, palace as their home and using most expensive vehicles like Ferrari, Lamborghini, and BMW etc.
Furthermore
, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have facility getting the best health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
treatments.
Moreover
, they have ability to travel around the world and while wearing expensive brands.

However
, currency is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
key, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
in their entire life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Love
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Care
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Family
and Health that sort of things
also
need and those things can’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
For example
, money is not worth without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
is who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
each other whenever you're in need of something, brings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. Life without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
would be incomplete.
In addition
to this, well-being results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
.
For instance
, for a person suffering from a serious illness, better fitness is the biggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happiness
of life.

In conclusion
, the currency has always been an essential feature of being cheerful and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
love
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
fitness
also
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
happy
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people believe that all teenagers should have to do unpaid work during their free time in order to help the local community. They think this would benefit the teenagers doing the unpaid work but also society as a whole. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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