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Your friends have the opportunity to choose either one of two types of majors (fields of study), which one of the following two majors do you think is a better choice, and why? 1. A major that would allow him to finish years of study and get a degree soone v.2

Your friends have the opportunity to choose either one of two types of majors (fields of study), which one of the following two majors do you think is a better choice, and why? 1. A major that would allow him to finish years of study and get a degree soone v. 2
It is inevitable that every student needs to face the problem about choosing the major that is suit for themselves. Therefore, it raises the question that the students should choose the major that allows them to finish the study sooner or the major that need study longer but can provide more employment opportunities. I take the position that my friend should choose the long-term major. First of all, the major reasons for students to enter the university is to get a decent job in the future, so choosing the major that can gain more employment opportunities is more appropriate. On the contrary, if the students only want to get the degree, then it loses the meaning for students to study hard in the educational institution. Take myself for example. In Taiwan, we need to pay a lot of tuition to enter the university. Hence, when I enrolled in the school, I decided to learn more in the university and find a high-salary job in the future. Due to this determination, I concentrated on my study for about five years. Even if my leaning was longer than others, I learned my major deeply and broadly, causing me to find a good job successfully after graduation. Furthermore, if students can study longer in the school, they could get the newest information and catch the trend around the world. To elaborate, because the university has countless opportunities cooperating with the government or company to make the new research, the students in there can easily understand what are people around the world interested in. Take my father for example. When he was the university student, he worked with his professor for about six years in the lab. By conducting those newest experiments, he understood many new theories and innovative design in the world, which was the basic knowledge for him to find a decent job. Many people may argue that the students should go working as fast as possible because they can enhance their working experience early. However, I insist that although the working experience is important, we cannot overlook that the main reason why students can find a good job is their ability. Thus, if students can cultivate their working ability in the long-term education, they can become the asset that every company desires it. In contrast, if they only finish their study quickly and do not learn the unique knowledge, they cannot stand out from the public and need to meet serious competitive. In conclusion, I hold the belief that my friend should choose the major that requires many years of study but can provide him more employment opportunities because it not only is the main reason why students go to the university but also can help him catch the world trend.
It is inevitable that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to face the problem about choosing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that is
suit for themselves.
Therefore
, it raises the question that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to finish the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
sooner or the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
longer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can provide more employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
. I take the position that my friend should choose the long-term major.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
reasons for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
choosing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that can gain more employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
is more appropriate.
On the contrary
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the degree, then it loses the meaning for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in the educational institution. Take myself
for example
. In Taiwan, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to pay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tuition to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
Hence
, when I enrolled in the school, I decided to learn more in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a high-salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the future. Due to this determination, I concentrated on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
for about five years. Even if my leaning was longer than others, I learned my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
deeply
and
broadly
, causing me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
successfully
after graduation.

Furthermore
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
longer in the school, they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the newest information and catch the trend around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. To elaborate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has countless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
cooperating with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the new research, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in there can
easily
understand what are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
interested in. Take my father
for example
. When he was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
, he worked with his professor for about six years in the lab. By conducting those newest experiments, he understood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new theories and innovative design in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, which was the basic knowledge for him to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a decent job.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may argue that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can enhance their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
experience early.
However
, I insist that although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
experience is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, we cannot overlook that the main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is their ability.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can cultivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
ability in the long-term education, they can become the asset that every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
desires it.
In contrast
, if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
finish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
quickly
and do not learn the unique knowledge, they cannot stand out from the public and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
serious competitive.

In conclusion
, I hold the belief that my friend should choose the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can provide him more employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is the main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him catch the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
trend.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
56Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Your friends have the opportunity to choose either one of two types of majors (fields of study), which one of the following two majors do you think is a better choice, and why? 1. A major that would allow him to finish years of study and get a degree soone v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
460 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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