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Your friend has the opportunity to choose either one of two types of majors (fields of study), which one of the following two majors do you think is a better choice, and why? A major that would allow him to finish years of study and get a degree sooner (so v.2

Your friend has the opportunity to choose either one of two types of majors (fields of study), which one of the following two majors do you think is a better choice, and why? A major that would allow him to finish years of study and get a degree sooner (so v. 2
One of current affairs that people are face with is going to university because we live in technology era and it is better that everyone get a lot of information through going university. Thereby, selecting a major and how long does it takes to get this major are the most important parts of studying in universities. Some people may hold the opinion that studying for a long time to learn a subject in very little details are good but others think that studying a major for a short time is a better choice. If you ask me which one do you prefer, I would rather select the opinion of the second group. In order to substantiate my vantage point, I would like to address some key evidences; a major that would allow people to finish it sooner would preserve motivation of students through studying, and also; it would be better for individuals to get expert by doing a job not through studying. First and foremost, if students get a degree of a major in a short time, they would be motivated during studying. I think that studying a major for a long time led to students lost their enthusiasm. For example, my friend Mahdi was very happy that his studying period is short so he tried to concentrate on his major. As a result, he both got high marks in this period and also was very eager to learn materials well. Along with the same line, another privilege of the aforementioned idea; if individuals study a major for a long time to learn every details by studying, they would not apply most of their knowledge when they work. Because most of knowledge that people obtain by means of studying are not applicable to problems which happen during working so individual choose to try many solutions that are appropriate for obstacles. Thus, time would be saved by studying for a short time. For instance, my brother studied his major for a year and after that he found a job. When there was a problem, he applied many solutions. After a while he got prominent in the office he worked for, so when his colleagues faced an obstacle, they asked my brother for guidance even individuals studies for many years. To put the issue into the perspective, by taking account into these entire aspects; studying for a major that need a short time make individuals to be happy during their study and also save their time and the could be successful in their work by working not studying.
One of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are face with is going to university
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in technology era and it is better that everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information through going university. Thereby, selecting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
and how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
does it
Did you mean "take"? As 'do' is already inflected, the verb cannot also be inflected.
takes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
are the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
parts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
in universities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may hold the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to learn a subject in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is a better choice. If you ask me which one do you prefer, I would
rather
select the opinion of the second group. In order to substantiate my vantage point, I would like to address
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
key evidences; a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to finish it sooner would preserve motivation of students through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
, and
also
; it would be better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
expert by doing a job not through studying.

First
and foremost, if students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a degree of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they would
be motivated
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
led to students lost their enthusiasm.
For example
, my friend Mahdi was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
happy that his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
period is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
he tried to concentrate on his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
.
As a result
, he both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
high marks in this period and
also
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
eager to learn materials well.

Along with the same line, another privilege of the aforementioned
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
; if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
study a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to learn every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
, they would not apply most of their knowledge when they work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
Consider using "most knowledge" or "most of the knowledge".
most of knowledge
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
obtain by means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
are not applicable to problems which happen during working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
choose to try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions that are appropriate for obstacles.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
would
be saved
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, my brother studied his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
for a year and after that he found a job. When there was a problem, he applied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions. After a while he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
prominent in the office he worked for,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when his colleagues faced an obstacle, they asked my brother for guidance even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
studies for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.

To put the issue into the perspective, by taking account into these entire aspects;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
major
that need a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to be happy during their study and
also
save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
Did you mean "they", "that" or "there"?
the
could be successful in their work by working not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Your friend has the opportunity to choose either one of two types of majors (fields of study), which one of the following two majors do you think is a better choice, and why? A major that would allow him to finish years of study and get a degree sooner (so v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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