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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: The effective leader tries to make others feel they have been part of a decision? v.2

: The effective leader tries to make others feel they have been part of a decision? v. 2
It is conceivable that it is difficult to become an effective leader who can bring the team to complete the mission fast and correct. Therefore, this raises the question whether the leader should try to make others feel they have been part of a decision. I hold the belief that it is important to have the discussion with the other people when making the decision. First, people will have less motivation to conduct the thing without his or her decision. In other words, if the leader can make others feel they have been part of a decision, it can promote followers working performance. Take myself for example. When I was a freshman, I had an internship at the bank. In the company, our boss always had the meeting with the employees on Monday. At that meeting, the boss would lead us to discuss the mission of this week and we all had the chance to convey our own opinion. In fact, we seldom revised the plan provided by the boss, but through this meeting, we felt that this was the decision made by ourselves. Therefore, we would work hard to complete it. On the contrary, if the company doesn' t have this meeting and all decision only made by the boss, the employees will feel that this is not my business and do not seriously look at the mission. Furthermore, it can help us to find the problem in the early stage by discussing with many people. To elaborate, in the discussion people can convey their opinions about the project, which can help the leader to merge different perspectives together and find out the problem quickly. Take my professor for instance. Last semester, my chemical professor made a research with his students. He separated his research into several parts and recruited some students to help him to conduct the research. Although he already was a famous professor, he was willing to discuss with the students before the research started. And in the discussion students asked many questions and offered some opinions to the research, which found out that professor overlooked an essential factor. If the professor just started the research without discussing with students, his research might fail and certainly would cause a big explosion. Many people may argue making followers feel they have been part of a decision is time wasting. If the leaders can make the decision by themselves can conduct the tasks much effective. However, I insist that by the discussion, we can make sure the followers fully understand what we are doing now, which can enhance their working effectiveness. In contrast, if the followers cannot realize the reason why leader make the policy change or design the new task, some of them might be reluctant to follow, causing the conflict in the organization. In conclusion, I take the position that the effective leader should make others feel they have been part of a decision because this not only can increase employees’ performance but also can find the problem out earlier.
It is conceivable that it is difficult to become an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
who can bring the team to complete the mission
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and correct.
Therefore
, this raises
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "the question".
the question whether
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
should try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
they have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
. I hold the belief that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discussion
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
when making the decision.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have less motivation to conduct the thing without
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
they have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
, it can promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
working performance. Take myself
for example
. When I was a freshman, I had an internship at the bank. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, our boss always had the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
with the employees on Monday. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
, the boss would lead us to discuss the mission of this
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
week and
we all had the chance to convey our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion. In fact, we seldom revised the plan provided by the boss,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
through this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
, we felt that this was the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
made by ourselves.
Therefore
, we would work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to complete it.
On the contrary
, if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesn&
#039; t have this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meeting
and all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
made by the boss, the employees will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
that this is not my business and do not
seriously
look at the mission.

Furthermore
, it can
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help us find"?
help us to find
the problem in the early stage by discussing with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To elaborate, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discussion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can convey their opinions about the project, which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
to merge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspectives together and find out the problem
quickly
. Take my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
for instance
. Last semester, my chemical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
made a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. He separated his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
into several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parts
and recruited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to conduct the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
. Although he already was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
, he was willing to discuss with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
. And in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discussion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
asked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
questions and offered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opinions to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
, which found out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
overlooked an essential factor. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
without discussing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
might fail and
certainly
would cause a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
explosion.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may argue making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
they have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time wasting
.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
by themselves can conduct the tasks much effective.
However
, I insist that by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
discussion
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
sure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
fully
understand what we are doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, which can enhance their working effectiveness.
In contrast
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
followers
cannot realize the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the policy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
or design the new task,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them might be reluctant to follow, causing the conflict in the organization.

In conclusion
, I take the position that the effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
feel
they have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decision
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can increase employees’ performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
can find the problem out earlier.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
67Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : The effective leader tries to make others feel they have been part of a decision? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
504 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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