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Your friends have the opportunity to choose either one of two types of majors (fields of study), which one of the following two majors do you think is a better choice, and why? 1. A major that would allow him to finish years of study and get a degree soone v.1

Your friends have the opportunity to choose either one of two types of majors (fields of study), which one of the following two majors do you think is a better choice, and why? 1. A major that would allow him to finish years of study and get a degree soone v. 1
Few people are of the notion to work in the same company, whereas others argue to change jobs. This essay agrees to work with different companies. The below paragraphs will discuss both aspects in detail. To begin with, people resist change and this is because they are accustomed to a lifestyle they have been living for years. They fear to start afresh with another company which would have its own sets of struggles and adjustments. Second, after reaching into their mid-thirties, most individuals have a family that is dependent on them. For meeting up with the daily expenses and education of their children they choose to work in a secured environment. For instance, many individuals do not prefer joining a startup company as they are of the assumption that it might not be a profitable business venture in the future. However, some people are very passionate about working for different companies. This is mainly because they want to experience diverse industry culture. Next, employees who change an organisation every 3 years are in a position to demand a better salary hike than those to stick around the same company for years. This results in tremendous economic growth of these employees. For example, people who have experience in working with different multinational companies have more chances of landing up with jobs in foreign countries. One of the major reasons for this is their knowledge of being adapted to changes in managerial hierarchy. In conclusion, although some individuals believe working in the same work environment their entire life for their own valid reasons, others choose to work in a more challenging work atmosphere. This essay supports working with different organisations and accepting change.
Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are of the notion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
, whereas others argue to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
jobs. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. The below paragraphs will discuss both aspects in detail.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
resist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
and this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are accustomed
to a lifestyle they have been living for years. They fear to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
afresh with another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which would have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
sets of struggles and adjustments. Second, after reaching into their mid-thirties, most individuals have a family
that is
dependent on them. For meeting up with the daily expenses and education of their children they choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a secured environment.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals do not prefer joining a startup
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
as they are of the assumption that it might not be a profitable business venture in the future.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
passionate about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
. This is
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want to experience diverse industry culture.
Next
, employees who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
every 3 years are in a position to demand a better salary hike than those to stick around the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
for years. This results in tremendous economic growth of these employees.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have experience in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
multinational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have more chances of landing up with jobs in foreign countries. One of the major reasons for this is their knowledge of
being adapted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
in managerial hierarchy.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment their entire life for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
valid reasons, others choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in a more challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
atmosphere. This essay supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
and accepting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Your friends have the opportunity to choose either one of two types of majors (fields of study), which one of the following two majors do you think is a better choice, and why? 1. A major that would allow him to finish years of study and get a degree soone v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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