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When it comes to the acquisition of the information, some people prefer Internet while others go for books. Which one do you prefer? v.1

When it comes to the acquisition of the information, some people prefer Internet while others go for books. Which one do you prefer? v. 1
Ever since time immemorial, art was considered to be the heart and soul of numerous cultures and civilizations worldwide. However, with the recent advancement in science, information technology and entrepreneurship, it seems that the importance of the arts as a field has been forgotten. It could be because of its limited scope as a full-time career or some preconceived notions of the parents. Firstly, I believe that the main reason is the imbalance in the university seats to job prospects ratio. What this means, is that there seems to be no government regulations and balancing control between the number of art college seats and job opportunities. For example, researchers suggest that out of 100 university art students, fewer than 10 find employment. This means that the remaining 90% are left to either change their field of interest or wait in the unemployment line. Secondly, parents are not encouraging their children to take-up arts as a career stream. This might be due to the above mentioned reasons. Out of the countless number of prospects competing to become a famous dancer, singer, painter, actor, etc. Only a handful lucky bunch finds their way to fame, success and well-to-do careers. It is due to this horrifying situation that the art students are getting discouraged, especially by their parents to take up arts as a full-time career. To conclude, I believe these issues need to be tackled in fact, immediately. The government should intervene, form a regulating body and create more employment to match it with their university admissions. Moreover, parents should be encouraged to motivate and support their child to venture into their desired field of arts. Only by undertaking such urgent steps, the value of arts can be revived in contemporary society.
Ever since time immemorial,
art
was considered
to be the heart and soul of numerous cultures and civilizations worldwide.
However
, with the recent advancement in science, information technology and entrepreneurship, it seems that the importance of the
arts
as a field has
been forgotten
. It could be
because
of its limited scope as a full-time career or
some
preconceived notions of the parents.

Firstly
, I believe that the main reason is the imbalance in the university seats to job prospects ratio. What this means, is that there seems to be no
government
regulations and balancing control between the number of
art
college seats and job opportunities.
For example
, researchers suggest that out of 100 university
art
students, fewer than 10 find employment. This means that the remaining 90% are
left
to either
change
their field of interest or wait in the unemployment line.

Secondly
, parents are not encouraging their children to take-up
arts
as a career stream. This might be due to the above mentioned reasons. Out of the countless number of prospects competing to become a
famous
dancer, singer, painter, actor, etc.
Only
a handful lucky bunch finds their way to fame, success and well-to-do careers. It is due to this horrifying situation that the
art
students are getting discouraged,
especially
by their parents to take up
arts
as a full-time career.

To conclude
, I believe these issues need to
be tackled
in fact, immediately. The
government
should intervene, form a regulating body and create more employment to match it with their university admissions.
Moreover
, parents should
be encouraged
to motivate and support their child to venture into their desired field of
arts
.
Only
by undertaking such urgent steps, the value of
arts
can
be revived
in contemporary society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay When it comes to the acquisition of the information, some people prefer Internet while others go for books. Which one do you prefer? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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